#nobody knows shit about fuck yet and theres so much potential for how things go. and thats just so much more

[avatarofthelonely]

ive had many Thoughts about tmagp but i feel reluctant to share any of them since i feel silly trying to speculate about a show that barely even has any episodes and tbh i think im justified in this bc last week i was gonna post like "i wonder if the fears only started manifesting in the protocol universe around/after 2018 since all the incidents so far happened in 2022 👀" and then this week we immediately got an incident from 2009 -_-

[vyladromeave]

SHABOWKNIGHT HEADCANONS PLASTERBOATS

This is how Shabowknights work in my brain. It just is. 

(Warning this is super long. like really long. its literally like 69k+ words im not kid. ding. i did include a couple poupble to help break up the bup the text. so. good lick.)

BECOMING A SHADOWKNIGHT

There is only one requirement for a person to become a shadowknight: you gotta feel it. you gotta reel it. you gotta feel it in the heart of the cards. sometimes ur having a rough day and youknow what thats fine. the shadowlord is totally there for you. hes your homie. your bro. your bromie. he can be anything you want him to be. but most importantly he is here for YOU. hes the cool boss. he lets you slack off on fridays, he puts slightly outdated memes in his powerpoint presentations. all for you. you’re welcome.

Now I hear what you’re thinking. What happens when the Shadowlord has a bad day? He can’t always be there for you, right? Wrong. The Shadowlord is on that grind, as the kids say. The grind never stops. no breaks. Stops? no stops. the only thing the Shadowlord is putting a stop to is ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴛɪʀᴇ ʀᴜ'ᴀᴜɴ ʀᴇɢɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠɪʟʟᴀɢᴇ-ʟᴏʀᴅ sʏsᴛᴇᴍ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɢᴏᴠᴇʀɴs ɪᴛ. Hes up all night and all day, working hard for you. give him a big thank you.

Not convinced? here’s a cool diagram he made for you. this could be us. you could be partially dead BUT holding hands with your best bro the Shadowlord. and really, what’s better than that? ghat? yeah? no. nothing. nothing is better. look at this diagram and fucking weep.

•

SHADOWKNIGHTS AND IMMORTALITY

All Shadowknights are immortal, as in immune to giving a shit. they just dont give a shit. they can just sit around for hours not giving a shit. do you give a shit? you shouldnt. you shoulding. houlding. hold mushrrom. thats what you should be doing right now. what are you waiting for? well???????????

If you were a Shadowknight, you could be holding a mushroom right now. That’s right. a whole mushroom just for you. but you arent. so you wont. why not? what’s stopping you? pledging your undying allegiance to the Shadowlord isnt so bad, we promise. it rocks, actually. we have pizza parties at the end of every month. does your employer hold pizza parties at the end of every month? I didn’t fucking think so.

Now I know what you’re thinking. But I dont waaaannnaaa kill the person I love the most! Well guess what? Sometimes you have to make hard decisions in life. Which is why you’re lucky that this decision is actually an easy one! I mean think about it, end of the month pizza party, mortal emotional attatchments. attachemnts. atatchments. fuck. however you spell it. Which one sounds cool as hell? Thats right. I don’t even have to say it. you know the answer. you already know the answer. i put it in your breain and it stays there.

•

Your favorite pizza topping.

What do you want on your pizza? I know you’re technically not one of the bros yet, but theres no way you wont be after all this, so I figured I’d go ahead and get your order down. Yeah i know the pizza party is a month away. im not ordering it right now. im ordering it later. that way its still fresh when it shows up. 

Although the delivery times out here in the nether kinda stink if I’m being honest. dont tell the shadowlord I said that though. he puts in a lot of time and effort to making sure everything is cool down here and like, really he doesn’t need to worry about the whole pizza delivery thing. like he already puts in so much time, the least i can do is cover the pizza thing yknow? 

I actually made the pizzas one month. have you ever made hundreds of personal pan custom pepperoni pizzas. its a lot of work. seriously. I kept burning them. so many burnt personal pan piping hot pipper pepper pepperoni personal pan personal pizzas. luckily im immune to fire, and i can never die. if you were one of the bros, you could be too. here’s your pizza.

•

Consuming the Pizza

Go on. eat it. I made it for you. what do you mean when did I have time to make a pizza? just now, while we were talking. didn’t you notice? maybe not. I’m good at making pizzas quickly now. ive had a lot of practice. maybe we could make some personal pan pinni mini pan pepperoni pizzas togethethter sometime.

oh my god. wait. im an idiot. im a fool. i was so focused on making you your personal pan pipini piziza pepperoni peper piza that i didnt even hear what you wanted for your toppings. im so sorry. oh my gosh im so sorry. i really didn’t mean to, i just got caught up in the moment. really. i promise. i know this reflects really badly on the whole shadowknight thing, but i promise this is a rare occasion. really. all the bros here in the nether are really kind and thoughtful, so stuff like this rarely ever happens. I really hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

maybe its better that we dont have personal pipizini personal pan papaza pizzas. im not actually that good at making the pizazis. i lied. im sorry. im so sorry. this doesnt normally happen. i just wanted to sound cool. its been so long since someone’s considered joining the bros, i just wanted you to really like me. im so sorry. oh my god. im so sorry.

•

A Reformed Pizza

The pizza is metaphorical. we’re still friends, right? we’re still bros? future potential bros? the potential kinetic mechanical energy of bros? thats a little science joke for you, whwhwhere i just said the science words. I havent learned about science in a while, ive been stuck down here making personal pan pizzazos for a while. im sorry about the pizza thing again, by the way. i tossed  your bad personal pan pizza in the lava pool over there to make up for how sucks it was. it was really bad. yeah. its probably a good thing that nobody ate it.

A Sturdier Pizza

The pizza is literal. We can make a new pizza. together. with my powers and yours combined. give me your hand. we are holding hands now. these are the hands that will make a new pizza. together. we can do it if we believe. do you believe? in our new world? in our now pizza? you should. you should believe. you better fucking believe it.

look at thsi shit. ohhhhooooooollyf uck. look at that pizza. holy shit. look at that piza. holy shit. balls.

•

Natural Abiblibties

sorry im still jsut thinkginbg aboutt he pizza. homygod. holy shit. did youz seetheat pizza. did you see it. arey you looking. at the pizza. ohmygodc. look at thits. is. its. the pizza. its fucking perfect look at it. ive never made a pizza like that before. we diddit tofgotehr. we did it. the pizza. we did it.

iknow itsnoth the end of the month yet but iwant to have a pizza party. lets do it again. we’re strong enough. we can take on anything tofeger. antyhign. even pizza. especially pizaz. we can. iknow you dont believe it but its strue. lets do it again. lets make a pizza one more time. what dtopping do you want to put on it this time? mushrrom? we can do mushrrom.

here. im handing you a mushrrom. you can put it on the pizza. its a topping. there are many toppings you can put on pizza. you can put on extra cheese too. then iets ecxtra cheesy. cheesy peezy. pizza.

lets do it together.

•

Additional Pizzas

we’ve made so many pizzas. thatslike two whole pizzas. wholy fuck. holy shit. thats twho whole pizzas. bro. thats great! thats amazing! thats two more pizzas than we had before. like seriously we set our mind to the piizza and our brain to the pizza and you smush it and you sus it and then you pizza. woaw! pizza. pizza.

what if we made more pizzas.we could make a pizza for everyone. everyone could knpow of our pizzas. everyone could be just as happy as us. isnt that great? isnt that amazing? we could all pizzas. we could ALL pizzas.

hold on. im calling the bros. they need to know. they need to pizza. ive got two bros right here ready for a pizza. do you think we can do it. thats double the pizza we’ve already made. it could be tough. i know this is a lot of pressure, and it really means a lot to me, but its ok if you want to back down now. pizza is a lot of work. its hard work. i know it is. you know it now too. but we can pizza. we can pizza together.

•

THANK YOU FOR PIZZA!

:) the bros really enjoyed the pizza. thanks for helping me make pizza very appreciate very cool. pizza. im handing you a pizza coupon right now i am folding it into your hand. what store does it go to? dont worry about that. its just a coupon for pizza, you dont have to worry about the specifics. they’ll know what to do with it.

they’ll know.

:)

[happikattwuzheere]

the one where gansey befriends a deer: the au

hey remember that time ronan dreamed up a deer that was described with language suspiciously similar to how adam’s described, because i sure do!!! anyway

OK.

ok. so. this au’s actually evolved a lot since its initial already-pretty-fleshed-out inception one sleepless night, so me talking about it’s gonna be more than one post, but here’s the first one well actually the second technically yesterday’s warmup doodles were also from this au but i didnt talk about it at all so

and I’m gonna start with more or less the same pitch I gave to a couple people on discord

SO. starting out: it’s standard fantasy times, vaguely medieval but no specific time period because I don’t care enough to be digging into that quite frankly, but it is somewhere in England where this is happening. Story starts with just Gansey, Ronan, and Noah. Fey are very real and known entities and there’s been a conflict in England between the fey and humans, if not in the whole country then at least in the lands that the Ganseys are the lords of but probably the whole island tbh, and Gansey’s not inherited the lands yet but he’s going to and wants to maybe find a peaceful resolution to the conflict. It’s not open warfare by any means but it’s been a big problem. 

To the effect of solving that, he heads to some little village that I haven’t named but it’s right next to a known fey forest called Cabeswater. This village has avoided being stomped by the local fey because, despite witches not being particularly liked by the nobility of the time, there’s a big old coven (the psychics of Fox Way, essentially) situated right by this village that’s kept things in check. Gansey’s made his excuses to his parents about why he’s officially going there but really he wants to talk to the witches and get a better grasp of the conflict from the people actually dealing with it.  He and Ronan set out from home together, pick up Noah along the way--who is not a ghost in this AU, he’s a fey who owes Gansey a life debt, that’s a whole other post and THIS post is mostly about gansey and adam--but anyway they get to this village and NOBODY gives gansey the time of day. 

the witches don’t let him into their house because they don’t like the nobility right back thanks and the next time he tries to visit Cabeswater won’t even let him get to the coven’s dwelling, the one witch’s daughter who regularly stops by the village for supplies and to check if anyone needs anything has a big argument with him the first time he talks to her so that’s going nowhere, and, well, the villagers are polite, but they clearly don’t take him seriously. He’s just the lordling playing at things and potentially meddling in their business to them.

So he starts hanging out just barely within Cabeswater, even though he knows that’s not wise, because he finds this perfect spot by a stream, and he’ll sit out there and think and work on the journal he keeps of all his thoughts and plans, and one day while he’s there has a straight up Disney princess experience when a deer stops by the stream and seems incredibly unafraid of him. he cherishes the experience but accepts that it probably won’t happen again.

and then it does. several times. gansey’s losing his mind. this deer??? apparently likes listening to him info dump?? it’s very therapeutic and also very magical and he’s amazed 

a few times in, he names the deer “Pryderi” after a character from a welsh legend, because “such a handsome creature deserves a princely name,” [[muffled blue laughing and whispering “princely” in the distance]], and he tells ronan and noah about this experience but ronan doesn’t believe him at ALL. 

one time after gansey’s particularly upset at how bad his attempts at getting along with the villagers, Pryderi actually lets Gansey touch him for the first time and gansey cannot shut up about it to ronan who’s finally like “i think you’re bullshitting me about this deer thing. im coming with you next time” and gansey’s like “well he’s a deer he might not show up if a stranger’s around and he doesn’t come every time i go down there anyway” and ronan’s like “this sounds like a lot of excuses, dick, you’re not making me believe you any more with this” and gansey’s like “>8\” 

but pryderi does show up, and gansey is delighted, and ronan stares really hard at him and then goes 

and gansey’s like what? nooo. but ronan keeps arguing it for the duration of the visit and the deer actually starts to look annoyed and at the end ganseys like ok maybe but i doubt it. and then hes like “well since you are a fey apparently (/sarcasm) i ought to say farewell with respect” and bows very mockingly and then the deer makes direct eye contact with ronan and bows back and gansey loses his shit

gansey continues meeting up with pryderi but even while his infodumping still happens it does so now with the knowledge that He Does Actually Understand What Im Saying, he may be a fey but he seems like a friendly one and hey that’s way more than gansey thought he would get out here, and also this deer is his friend now thanks, 

he, ronan, and noah (who’s amused by Pryderi but keeps his main thoughts to himself for now) make some excursions into cabeswater, but the thing is noah’s not really native to england, he’s from the european mainland, again i’ll get to it in another post sometime, but. he can sort of help navigate cabeswater but not all THAT well so they get lost a couple times, and every time it does happen pryderi shows up and helps guide them out. there’s some very funny moments of a very jealous ronan getting into weird conflict w/ a very smug deer 

anyWAY one day there’s like a festival, everyone’s drunk because its the middle ages and there’s not really a drinking age, gansey’s making another effort to make friends with anyone, and this one guy about his own age is like “ok look here i’ll teach you the folk dance everyone’s doing ok?” and gansey spends the night dancing w/ a handsome stranger, yes he will recognize the irony in the morning, but for now it goes. well badly because they’re both drunk but it’s fun, and then the guy says “ah, fuck it, i’ll finish teaching you next time we see each other” and gansey’s like “thats a little forward but ok!” and the guy (adam. its adam) panics and leaves while gansey’s back is turned and gansey doesn’t remember that last snippet of conversation the next day nor can he quite recall the stranger’s face. ronan does, because he was watching and not sure which of the two he was jealous of, but neither of them has any idea who the guy actually was. 

and then like, 3 days later, gansey falls asleep at the spot he usually hangs out in in cabeswater and wakes up in the early evening just in time to hear people yelling and for Pryderi to burst into view with an arrow in his flank. he collapses in a bush. gansey snaps into “protect friend” mode and gets the hunters off his trail by being all “oh a strange buck? i saw it pass that way over there friend!” and then when they’re gone he comes back and is all “alright pryderi they’re gone, let me just--” except pryderi’s not a deer anymore. it’s a boy. 

(Adam. its adam. the deer is adam.) 

gansey takes him home, gets the arrow out, noah’s like “i mean he’s not a fey, i dont know what turning into a deer is about but if he were fey the iron in that arrow would already have him dead. he might be partially fey but so little that he’s human in the ways that really matter”, over the next couple days they figure out that pryderi is in fact from the village and is a young man named adam parrish who’s been labelled a changeling and is assumed dead since he was yknow shot, gansey decides for now its probably best to keep him that way, but adam’s not getting better--apparently even having had the arrow in him as briefly as he did has poisoned him, he’s desperately ill and on the third day is finally like “get persephone” so gansey tries again (he’s tried several times over these days, they’d worked out that to have survived this long he must have someone else with a small degree of fey blood teaching him the ropes and the most likely suspects are the witches, but he’s hoping adam specifically asking him to will grant him permission enough to go in) and runs into a very frantic blue en route who as soon as he makes it clear he’s got adam is like “move your ass over on that horse im climbing on too” 

they get persephone, who turns into a fox rather than a deer, she saves adam, everythings cool except adam’s pissy now because he cant go back to the village and he has to give up on the attempts he had in the works to get out of town by working his way out and he takes it out on gansey who doesnt deserve it because this friendship is a mess, he’ll feel bad and take it back eventually but thats yet more posts ANYWAY YEAH theres our starting point 

(also worth noting: due to cabeswater being Right There,  p much everyone in this village actually has a small degree of fey blood, adam just won the genetic lottery) 

tl;dr adam’s a fey-blooded witch’s apprentice and he’s been the deer the whole time and thats the start of this au ty for coming to this ramble 

[themeed]

damn allowed myself to want things for a day and all i want is a van to live in, knowledge, freedom, weight loss, and a bass guitar.

im. happy with that i think. im proud of me, no jokes. im proud of being able to want things and care about them and vibrate towards them with longing. im... pleased with that. its fulfilling in a way Not Wanting For Anything isnt, because thats... kinda hollow. empty. in a vacant, lonely, yearning and grieving and SAD way. maybe because i Couldnt Want then. i Couldnt Desire or it would be used against me or taken away. that sucks. that sucked.

and now. im free to want again. and comparatively???? i think im very much never going to aim for buddhism or that weird Not Desiring Not Attached Nirvana mindset. like good for u but been there out of trauma and its not fun theres no reason to truly Live. u just float endlessly and experience and it aches so badly!!!! it hurts to want to want and not be able to. and i guess that is different from not wanting at all but... its not different enough for me to justify ever going back to that. or going forward to that. i just got this back and screw enlightenment if it means i have to give up on my passions i dont think life is worth living without it.

and anybody who looks down on that from a spiritual tower has yet to examine their own pride and how empty they feel without it.

anybody who looks down and smiles and wishes me luck on my journey? good for them. im glad theyre living their best life, on their journey as they see fit.

and i feel the need to protect myself because ive been hurt by the pride- the arrogance of others before. a lot of my hurts and traumas stem from my mother being too prideful to recognize that she can be wrong and someone under her power could be correct over her. and it was an uncomfortable truth. so she denied it was one at all and hurt me. i know the reason could be elaborated on. she didnt want to confront her own internal logic. or trauma. or even doublethink. that doesnt excuse her hurting a child for the sake of her sense of pride, of comfort, of self-worth. a child under her power, that she claimed to be parent of. teacher of.

not owing anyone anything is not the same as not hurting anyone. i havent reconciled that yet. oppressors should be held accountable for their mistakes, and give reparations if the harm is physical at LEAST. and i think that applies to politics, yes. privately though? if i beat up a nazi, i dont want to pay for his hospital bills. my personal philosophy struggles between equating people and ideas as a worth measurement, and realizing that that line of thinking is... similar to oppressors. but. its based on something people can change. the question is, do i think "if given the opportunity" is a good enough reason to stop and question a racist that runs their mouth? and do i think pre-emptive violence is okay? if say, a nazi walks into a bar and doesnt say anything but is wearing all the red flags and bells and whistles. i dont think that justifies a beatdown. being asked to leave, sure, but the beatdown doesnt start til the first remark flies.

once the intent is given OR the action is taken, the line is drawn. doesnt matter if they Havent Had The Chance. if theyre starting shit outside of debate spaces like that, and not, say, asking questions, theyre not looking for new perspectives, and it is NOT my job to educate people. its not my job to Show People The Light. a quick fucking google search could tell them why theyre wrong. if they havent put even the most basic energy into questioning their beliefs, thats on them.

it sounds like im trying to absolve myself of blame here. largely because. i think i should go out and help educate people because theyre inherently complacent if theyre, yknow, in a position of power. aka white folk and men and rich folk and cis folk and on and on and on. these people dont live my reality. they dont live the reality of a gay black man in the south, or a genderqueer lesbian in the west, or an indigenous woman whose nation is being targeted, or a muslim woman who cannot wear her headcoverings in the face of danger of death, or an asian immigrant who cant get a job because of COVD age discrimination resurging. we will never live each others realities, but we can become aware of them.

they wont come into awareness without someone asking or telling, and then doing something to change them.

we shouldnt need to go running to people in power for them to be aware of problems in the populace, govt is supposed to help and solve issues like this. like. actively. thats the whole point, make life better for the countrys citizens. and individuals in a position of social power...

are individuals who didnt take on a responsibility to protect and serve or otherwise care for the populace of a nation. i personally think they SHOULD care, but they are not obligated to. i cant make them care about others.

and honestly, on some of them, it would be a waste of time. there are people who want to change or question things and yknow what? they seek out answers. in people or places or online usually. stats and stories.

so like. i dont think someones Potential as a person matters when theres a throwdown about to happen. it really isnt my responsibility to save people from themselves or try to change their sides against their will. if they want to chat about it they can ask questions first.

not throw insults or punches or hatred.

what people have been taught is worth analyzing and trying to correct IN SOCIETY but i cant fix every broken white boy that comes to me. PSAs, fliers, outreach, online videos, debate spaces. those are things i already have access to and can be a part of if i really want to go around changing minds. or yknow. get involved in legislation and be myself around others to change their perceptions of whats socially acceptable or normal. maybe protest, maybe call congressfolk, etc.

but not every comment has to be analyzed or a learning opportunity. im allowed to shut it down, and people can respect that or stop talking to me. this isnt my parents house where i had to justify everything that i said or did when scrutinized, and doubly justify any criticism i had of mother, or any joke i frowned at instead of smiling.

these people dont have that power over me. they arent my mother. they arent my boss, and if they are i can fuck off and get a new job if necessary. they dont have financial control over my living space and food and schooling and physical control of where i can go and with who and for how long. I CONTROL THAT. I do.

Huh. maybe thats why i want a van so bad. i mean... when this lease ends if nobody is gonna end up living with me...

i could just... live in my car and shower at truck stops. get a storage unit for my stuff. save by driving jobs. like 40 to 60 a day. tear out my cars back, insulate it, and install my mattress pad there. water on the floor, cooler next to it, wooden cutting coard, knife, single camping plateware set, and another little shelf for spices. maybe a hot plate i can hook up to the car battery? get a long enough usb and it might be doable. i could go camping and open the trunk to just... vibe.

because yeah, honestly? i dont plan on having a solid apartment for a bit. like a long bit. and i still have like 70000 miles on my car before itll want to go. and by that point, even at like 100 miles a day, thats like 2 years, less if i go cross country in that vehicle. i could save up SO MUCH for a better vehicle, or like. college. live on campus, get some credit, continue working after i figure out want i want to do.

i think thats a solid plan, even if i dont get another apartment and put everything in storage. work as i need to instead of all the time for rent, really only paying for gas, car repairs, car ins, food, and phone data/hotspot internet... that would bring my monthly expenses down to like 500 a month max instead of like 1400. id only need to make some 1000 a month doing contract stuff to save for taxes and stuff. anything extra would be just that: extra for savings and things. holy shit.

depending on how this next month goes for my friends, holy s h i t.

i. i might do this. legitimately.

i. dont think i can yet. i need proof of address to get my license im pretty sure? but hey, thatll be my 21st this year, so. once i have that i wont need a new address for a While. i dont know if ill want one, really.

i could always just ask a friend or family member if i could use theirs for mail that cant go to a PO box.

anyway. yeah. wow.

[macklives]

session 81 end

wow, okay, first things first

AC!!!!!

shes so fucking cute holy shit i love her so much i dont even know where to begin??

i mean i guess its because im so used to troll snark and the way they just? banter constantly? seeing someone who is a literal ray of sunshine is so refreshing and wholesome and pure. god she’s great. shes a cat, she knows her stuff. she’s strong and theres also this guys???? who shes scared of?? and tells her what to do??? yeah no, idk who it is but let her make her own decisions lol

maybe its just over exaggeration or whatnot, and hes not bad but first impressions do a lot to me and right now the only thing i know about this guy is that AC needs his approval for everything. i guess ill see where that takes us. hopefully nowhere bad. but AC seems like she can take care of herself and knows how to be a good decent troll and i love her for that. wow it literally took me one dialogue to like her. damn, that was fast. jesus.

you know who else is great?

terezi.

yeah i know right. and that whole trial thing, which yeah i guess half the time i was confused by what the fuck is going on since i still cant grasp the idea of how alternia works, but i enjoyed myself with lemonsnout and how terezi roleplays and how much she gets into it. seeing a character that passionate about something is so sweet and nice.

god this was just a nice overall session

which i say, while i completely forgot about the banter TA and karkat got into

right, that happened. oh my god. they both literally stomped all over each other, dissed one another, still made up in the end because apparently thats their friendship and i guess it just works like that. depends on the friends you have, i guess.

its funny though, not gonna lie

and karkat as of now is just being a prick and honestly? 

like more than usual, which i guess is weird to say but i mean from present time to beginning of hivebent karkat. not that its uncommon for him to be a prick, he is, but seeing him go through the non-linear pattern with john is mmmmh interesting to say the least. though we havent seen his first trolling, just him constantly going “oh god what did i say, i was dumb” u know, not in those words but thats basically what he means. 

ooh im gonna analyze, i feel like analyzing right now my fingers have already typed so much as it is MIGHT AS WELL

and our candidate will be *drum rollll* karkat wow predictable (its below the cut because this is literally irrelevant now to the session)

okay, lets lay out the shit we have already. as i said before, the way he talks presently to john (meaning in the future) is so different than how he speaks to everyone now. of course the “i hate the world” personality is still there, and hes still just regular karkat, but karkat talking with john is patient to some extent and tells him what he needs to know for the game, lowkey kinda chills out once they started talking about movies or growing up as huh, didnt he say larvae or smth?

okay that whole grub thing makes sense now as i just wrote that but i am still confused as to what the FUCK that is implying because i dont think it crossed my mind this much, im repressing it for now until it comes up later. 

anyways, back to what i was saying. he was so DIFFERENT than the way he’s acting now which is bitch and moan and like? stfu karkat lmfao. i mean, its not THAT big of a difference in character, because i know he’s still his grumpy old self, and theres a lot of potential.. for growth? not sure if we’ll get it but i like to assume we will get character growth from these characters with fucking 8000 pages talking about them. but a story needs that growth and with karkat being just a straight up angry dude, in MY EYES, he should.. have growth, no? idk HOW he will grow, but im basically just taking what i have right now which isnt much but i analyze things for fun sometimes so let me be.

that being said, because its so early on, im not sure where homestuck is gonna go and i dont have much to go on but being in the psychology course shit happens when you have limited information and you gotta pin point what makes a person a person and how do they cope with things to grow further into life. many of my assignments involve limited info so honestly, not that hard.

but it is something that ive noticed, the way karkat is different as he grows which possibly means the whole veil thing happens later later on in his life and we havent yet seen that small growth become patience and not whining every time he doesnt get what he wants. but growth is common and it mostly likely happens to everyone, so its not like wow this is a surprise and a plot twist, more of something that i just wanna write for the sake of writing it. i hope that makes sense? i dont exactly know where im going with this. i just mean that im basically going to analyse karkat a tiny bit so idk how to otherwise explain it but you’ll get where im going with this as i type more lmao. 

anyways, so karkat literally said “pretend i dont think highly of my friend’s talents” as if he’s visibly trying to force himself from all emotions and bash on those who do (reference: “stop being sensitive, its repugnant” or whatever tf he said while TA replied with “hypocrite”) i take that as a key word. so honestly, while that was the smallest thing ive gotten from this session, its the thing im most curious about actually and i actually havent mentioned lol. because what ive learned in psych, which this is just common knowledge but i did an assignment on it so like?? could be useful?? is that people who hold off their emotions tend to hold off others as well, so there is no chance of mirroring each other. in other words, if someone is happy and starts to laugh and goof around with another, the emotions will mirror that other person subconsciously. like an addictive laugh. theres also another way to show mirroring, which is to mimic another person's actions, allowing another to establish a sense of empathy and thus begin to understand another person's emotions. in this case, im using TA and karkat as example. people who suppress emotions tend to see emotions as a bad sign and if somebody else portrayed any sign of it as well, they’ll basically say “gross what are you doing” because theyre so used to concealing it away, that they dont want others to think theyre into the whole mushy shit. so they pretend to hate it, pretend to not even be slightly affected by general sensitivity..

which basically means karkat is a softie, and even if he’s a prick right now, meeee thinks john, from earlier convos, is growing on him because john himself knows how emotions work and while i dont think troll culture does know much about it, considering the BLOOD AND CARNAGE thing, he is in fact growing and even if thats obvious, and you all know it, i am new to homestuck and am trying to see that for myself. its noticeable to some degree. he may always still be a jerk, but i am waiting to see how he slowly starts to accept things around him and to finally show what hes hiding inside. even if its just going up by a few percentages, i see its there and im hoping VERY HOPING he has the biggest character growth!

in other words, why else do i think this?? well nobody who watches romcoms can be that fucking aggressive. you need some sap in you to like it.

on that note, ill probably analyze alternia’s system and rules in another post later throughout these next few sessions because i feel it needs to be talked about and the way everything just.. is so different and doesnt seem right, you know?

thats it for now goodnight

[musingmycelium]

god okay i info dumped on discord bc thats just who i am as a person so i’m cross posting it here in case anyone else is curious about my canon world state. under a read more bc its, uh, maybe a bit of a monster.

i've got a dummy complex worldstate for no reason other than i like to make things difficult for the sake of a good story i guess. for origins my canon warden is an apostate, ellanis tabris who in an 'accident' had his leg crushed and it never recovered, causing it to have stunted growth. he uses a cane to get around and his disability helped hide him in the denerim alienage since apostacy is probably one of if not the most dangerous crime for an elf.

he's only one of three, though. his best friends growing up are noure surana and attie nehrios. noure gets taken to the circle when they're 17 (and ellanis and attie are 15) and comes into play a bit later, while attie is a seamstress and budding red jenny.

as far as origins itself goes ellanis' canon route is deep roads - dalish - haven - redcliff - circle - redcliff. fairly standard stuff up until haven/broken circle tbh. in haven during the guardian's first trial instead of shianni ellanis sees noure (whom the alienage presumed dead when arrested bc it wasn't, ah, a clean arrest) as the ghosty thing and during broken circle ellanis finds noure again and 'conscripts' them into the wardens. really he just takes them with him and destroys their phylactery so they won't be followed. (noure's phylactery is stored in kinloch instead of the spire after their fourth escape attempt since it gave them too much of a head start to make the templars wait to get it) theres a lot of Feelings surrounding connor but other than that ellanis doesn't super change things there either. he does, however, not have any idea about the dr. which is the biggest break i have from canon in dao with the exception of my inclusion of More City Elves. instead of morrigan going to ellanis she, as his best friend, knows he'll refuse to do it and instead goes straight to alistair. morrigan actually never tells ellanis anything about the ritual, ever.

during unrest in the alienage ellanis meets up with attie again, who is already working to clear the slavers out herself, and she falls head over heels for morrigan pretty quickly. fast enough that when morrigan sets out on her 'nobody follow me' thing attie does anyways bc thats just who attie is as a person. and besides she can't stay in denerim now that she's maybe or not killed a nobleman for what happened during the wedding.

and now its awakening time 

ellanis meets up with anders for the first time and through him learns a bit more about noure's time in the circle. (noure and anders and karl were lovers for roughly three years before shit hit the fan hard) and fuck canon here because ellanis doesn't have time for this. plus the architect is interesting and yah maybe insane but he's in the place for a little madness. ellanis lets him live and strikes a bargain with him, they share research and any ferelden wardens who prefer to answer their calling not by fighting darkspawn but by potentially furthering the cure are welcomed by the architect. but after awakening ellanis leaves vigils keep in nate's hands and goes on 'offical leave' to work on his own cure..... and to live in antiva with zevran...... lkjkjlkjkjkj

noure, after broken circle and during awakening, goes to nevarra via orlais. it takes them a couple of months to settle but noure finds viuus (yes that viuus) who takes them on as an apprentice of sorts bc he's also in a bit of a jam. it works, sorta, noure learns more spirit based magic and reconnects with a part of themselves the circle tried to beat out of them. it only lasts for about two years, though, because templars find them, one a recent transfer from kinloch and noure isn't exactly a forgettable face. so!

well, its around the same time that anders leaves the wardens for good. and ellanis puts anders in touch with noure. they decide to meet in kirkwall, because rumor has it that's where karl is and thats gonna be the place they need to go first.

attie though, she's just hanging out with morrigan and stirring the pot in orlais as a jenny. she also works with the mage underground and defo either knows or works with briala as a kind of agent. her story is more foggy tho bc i haven't read Super much of TME or played some of witch hunt

da2 comes in and i've Recently, like as of last week i think, decided to swap my canon hawkes. william is now my canon hawke instead of the twins. he's an apostate who's magic is mostly clairvoyancy and a shepherd.. or he was until the blight. bethany dies during the escape and its only the Beginning of the sad times for william.

with his pretty suble magic william makes for a Superb smuggler, and lands the gig with bartrand quickly. he Also, gets a bit of a crush on varric while they're still going around raising money. he takes carver, varric, and isabela with him to the deep roads thinking that keeping his brother close will be safer. and, well, it isn't.

act ii is a bunch of horse shit anyways but william tries to keep out of things until isabela is directly threatened by it and only then steps in seriously. for the most part all of the things which go down with petrice are done with noure and anders. they don't like the qunari being in town either but they, at least, can use the situation to weaken the chantry and by extension the circle. even if its only a bit. during act iii the two of them build up the mage underground and start preparing to take direct action against the circle. william is, still uncertain but he doesn't stop them. his magic has never been a large danger to himself, it's suble enough and under control enough that he's never really had to fear templars. he feared them for his fathers sake, for bethany's sake, but not his own. not really. and well, we know how da2 ends but i hate the retcon of 'hundres of casualties' bithc! where! so no, only the grand cleric and a handful of upper level chantry people where inside when it went up and they deserved it.

ellanis is working on the blight cure during this time and makes it far enough that he and zev are surprised by twins (two girls named adaia and killian) but otherwise ellanis is mostly chillin in antiva

while attie is now definitely working closely with briala both as a jenny and as an agent

and we’re up to dai with my canon quizzy - da'ean lavellan, the clan storykeeper (next in line after his father) who only attends the conclave because idrilla was going to first and they didn't want to loose the clan first. i've got... way more canon deviance in dai than anywhere else bc dai Suxxs but its way too long but basically! 

da'ean romances both dorian and the iron bull bc im poly and i said so, idrilla comes to skyhold as magical advisor and she works where morrigan does in the game (tho morrigan still shows up she's not an offical position as much, which suits her and attie just fine). linayel, da'ean's nas'falon (qp) arrives with her and he slots in as an archery trainer. 

plus, ellanis is the warden contact instead of the many (some really wild??) canon contacts. leliana tries to contact him to be quizzy but he's travelling and misses it, and when noure contacts him on william's behalf and mentions corypheus (ellanis knows about legacy bc william brought noure and anders along) ellanis puts some pieces together and comes to skyhold. he'd already been working to figure out the weird calling (it is and yet isn't the same as the blight he remembered) so he's already a bit aware of the situation. william doesn't stick around for long, basically just long enough to get confirmation ellanis is on his way. even tho he misses varric this isn't his place

adamant goes down wicked different bc ellanis is the fucking HOF. by this time he's developed his magic enough he can pretty much take down all of the wardens within a good 300 foot range just nearly instantly. (a combination of his blight cure research and his natural entropic aligned magic hohohoho) so he makes it to clarel Fast. instead of falling into the fade ellanis (anyone else remember just fucking punching rifts closed in awakening? lol) works with da'ean to open up the rift in the main courtyard and suck the nightmare into the real world. and then he fuckin annhilates it bc he can

WEWH is also different but this time its bc of attie (and morrigan's different now too bc she's been dragged into things by her wife) briala's at the palace yeah, but now she's also got attie waiting in the wings. instead of getting stuck in place by the quizzy attie is able to manuever things to implicate gaspard and celene alone (mostly bc i hate the blackmail on briala it just doesn't vibe well with her character to me). so instead of the shitty options of 'gaspard rules with briala shadowing him' or 'celene and briala end up back together' its 'celene gets put in place by briala and now briala calls the shots'

idrilla romances solas, and as a dreamer she's sure something is fishy but can't figure out what exactly. (until trespasser that is, when she figures it out at the murals) but she provides a good foil to his asshatry and as offical magical advisor steers the inquisition with morrigan's info about the arbor wilds. she knows the rituals and the magic bc she's first and they make it through far faster than in canon, making a quick alliance with the sentinals and beating samson well before the canon battle area. 

(linayel romances cass but their story is still quiet and vague as of yet but linayel mostly remains in skyhold to help train and strategize)

then da'ean kicks corypshits ass soundly becase that fight Sucks Ass.

[void-official]

“Micro-identities/’Mogai/ya’ll literally just be making shit up now” OK. i’m sorry im stuck on this and this is the last i’ll talk about it today bc fuck it. I’m gonna be Real for a second. And it’s going to be awkward, and it’s going to be long, and I’m gonna Lose Follower bc defending micro-labels is Cringe. Whatever. I get it. go ahead and unfollow. The rest of you who actually care. and in the spirit of Pride Month, as someone who feels like they’re almost never allowed to express Pride in who I am? Here we go.

I’m bi. Most of you can probably tell, im not exactly subtle about it.

I’m bi. But

my actual interest in dating or having sex with Anyone has been pretty much negligible for my entire life. I just don’t Care. I never have. Dating and sex seem like a hassle to me and I don’t feel like i’m particularly missing out by not taking part in them. It doesn’t negate my enjoyment of peoples bodies necessarily, nor does it mean I never get crushes on people it just means at the end of the day, my desire to go out there and find people to have sex with and/or date has always been like. really really low. Even if the opportunity was there. And i’ve come to terms with this. I accept this about myself.

There is actually a great deal of overlap between bi and ace identity. all those ‘weird little terms’ like ‘demisexual’ you guys hate so much were originally created for people like me, who feel like they are fundamentally not allowed to call themselves something straightforward like ‘bi’ (or straight/gay/lesbian) without people inevitably screaming at them for Doing It Wrong. So they can describe how they feel in a brief word, instead of having to go through the pains of explaining the complex relationship they have with sexual attraction to every fucking person who asks what their sexuality is.

saying ‘well you should just be able to say bi and leave it at that’ doesn’t actually account for the experiences i have when i Just Say i’m Bi. Even me Just Saying ‘im bi’ i’ve always gotta deal with harassment from people whoget weirdly agressive about -why- i’m not out there fucking or dating the people i claim im attracted to. Am I a prude? a Tease? Just an ‘Acey’ lying for brownie points? Am I Actually Just Traumatized? (They ask in a really aggressive condescending way, like thats actually how you should talk to someone you think is potentially traumatized) But by the standards of this discourse, i’m not allowed to call myself ace either, because then people are going to yell at me that if I experience the tiniest smidgen of sexual attraction or romantic inclination sometimes, or post pictures of sexy video game characters, clearly i cant be that either  I literally can’t win. there is not a thing I can call myself that won’t earn me the ire of LGBT people on tumblr who think they know me and what i should call myself better than I do. And believe me i hate talking about this More than you do. I’d rather just shut up and let people Assume i’m whatever they want me to be sometimes but then mutuals i thought i trusted will inevitably openly make fun of the people who outwardly call themselves demisexual or whatever microlabel is trendy to shit on currently, and usually i bite my tongue cause at the end of the day its Just Words, right? I don’t even use that word, right? Its just words and some words can be interchangeable and not everyone knows what they mean which can feel alienating and unnecessary to people who don’t understand them. I -get- why people ‘cringe’ when they see like 10 terms they don’t understand in someones bio. why do you think i don’t even list anything about my sexuality in mine other than my pronouns?

but I always remember like. just bc that label isnt For Me, it doesn’t mean there might be someone in a similar position to me who doesnt feel comfortable just calling themeslves bi, and prefers the label ‘demisexual biromantic’ who feels like that phrase puts them in a place of peace and contentment, and I wouldn’t argue with them about it. Bc thats their fucking choice. Them being happy with who they are takes priority over my personal opinions of the language they use. same with gender nonconforming people who dont want call themselves trans or nonbinary. Thats fucking Fine. I’m not telling you to have to use the same words as me if you don’t feel like they’re necessary or accurate. I literally don’t give a rats ass what words you use to identify yourself so long as they’re not being used to hurt other people. I just want to be able to have Words, for myself, that describe how I feel, that don’t result in people treating my entire identity like some shitty discourse Meme. And right now I have none. No matter what I call myself, people choose tell me it’s not accurate, or its too complicated.

As for all these shitty fucking posts about people ‘forcing’ young people to take up labels. This. This doesn’t actually happen? (OK I won’t say it doesn’t happen ever on an individual level? but that its not something enforced or encouraged by any group as a practice, and that distinction is necessary, bc saying it happens on a large scale literally implies predatory intentions from a massive group of people instead of members of the group behaving poorly as individuals)

Demisexual people as a whole have literally never told me i had to call myself demi just bc my sense of how i experience attraction might be similar to theirs. Ace people as a whole don’t usually tell people whose lack of sexual attraction is caused by trauma or who havent developed enough to experience sexual attraction that they -have- to call themselves ace. Most Bi or Pan people are fine with the fact that their labels have a lot of overlap and that the line between these things can be murky, they arent actually constantly ready to tear each others throats out over whose terminology is correct. All of this shit is made up by hateful people, or people taking a few examples of poor behavior out of context as an excuse to shit on everyone else, and well meaning people keep falling for it bc it -seems- helpful to be. reactive. I guess? to people you’re constantly told are hurtful to the causes of marginalized people. but im telling you. its not true. literally nobody forces you to call yourself any of these words, they just Exist out there in case you want them, and if you think thats somehow a threat to other peoples identities or to Minors just like, conceptually, for existing, for being Too Specific, im sorry but what other word is there for your reaction than phobic? If an individual derails a conversation about Y to be like “You didn’t include _X_” or tries to force their views on a minor who hasn’t developed a stable sense of identity yet, that is an Individual behaving in an inappropriate manner, not an invitation for you to throw the whole group under the bus. I hate to tell you but if you’re using examples of individuals on tumblr who say stupid shit, everyone on tumblr says stupid shit and butts in conversationally where they’re not welcome. Universally. It’s how tumblr is formatted. Trust me, I have like 4 viral posts going right now.

i’m just tired of it at this point. im not cool with people who stretch to make fun of micro-labels all the time and think they’re being woke allies or w/e to the ‘real LGBTs’.  Even if a lot of the time I personally don’t care for all the labels and wouldn’t choose them for myself, I still feel like If you can’t treat people like individuals and assess their character on a case by case basis, i don’t trust you. I don’t like people who stereotype and LGBT people are not immune to this behavior. Like i don’t say it often but it fucking hurts, and it hurts other people I’m close to who I know have similar complicated identities and struggle coming up w/words to describe themselves that the whole of tumblr LGBT+ will approve of and agree with (clearly an impossibility because there are still people who don’t want bi and trans to even be in there). I might tolerate the constant jokes and not block on principle of knowing not everyone has ingested and thought about this discourse in the same way I have, and im a big tough adult, ultimately i can take it. but inside i know no matter what i call myself, if i were earnest with some of you about how i feel I’d probably be just another ‘special snowflake Delusional mogai creep’ to you, and i can’t deny that fucking hurts to think about. I try not to talk about it openly bc it embarrasses me, bc i dont think my sexuality should have to be battle ground for discourse for people who are supposed to be on my side. But there it is. I think most of this discourse is Trash, and clearly not for the reason most people on here say its trash, not bc theres ‘too many specific words, y’all just be Making Shit Up’ but because so many of you are more caught up in the words than the substance of the arguments or the needs of people whose experiences might have a lot of overlap with yours regardless of what word they’re using to describe it.

Anyway. happy pride to LGBTQA+ people who still dont really feel pride in themselves or their identity. I’d say you’re valid, but you don’t need my validation or anyone elses to understand that you’re a person deserving of respect and compassion. You exist as who you are, and you have to come to terms with who that is, regardless of whether or not you feel like you’re accepted for it. if not pride then, settle for confidence in who you are.

[otomeshi-hime-blog]

I know this gets thrown around a lot in certain communities (pointed look at a certain chan) but I’m really starting to think 2019 is gonna’ be one of the best years for anime in a very .... very long time. 

There are always shows I look forward to, and of course sleeper hits that sucker punch me out of nowhere, but the amount of good shit racking up is just insane at this point. I almost can’t believe the 19′ line up is looking as good as it is, and we don’t even know what alls coming out yet.

We got:

Jojo plowing full steam ahead into the new year 

Mob Psycho season 2 (nut)

One Punch Man season 2 (nut)

Fruits Basket remake (nostalgia nut)

Dororo 

The Promised Neverland (keikkaku nut)

Kimetsu no Yaiba 

Haikyuu season 4 (turbo nut)

Hero Academia season 4 (plus ultra nut)

Chihayafuru season 3

Jimoto ga Japan (it reminds me too much of classic delinquent manga for me NOT to be hyped)

Dr. Stone 

Osomatsu-san movie (NEET nut)

The new Precure season actually looks pretty damn good and it just might get me back into the franchise 

So, a good majority of these titles belong to Weekly Shounen Jump (relevant but not listed because I feel no particular way about it is Bokuben) and it does make me wonder if they’re pressed to find the next big thing to really bring in a viewership that (I’m assuming) neither Haikyuu or Hero Academia pulls in? Its hard to guess what exactly WSJ is thinking, releasing SO many anime adaptions of their series all at once, but I do think maybe its a blanket tactic meant to catch as much interest as possible through a wide range of potential audiences? Or maybe they’re just getting desperate, who knows! 

I absolutely will not lie, I’ve had a raging hard-on for the shounen genre since I was about 12 years old and I will continue to not only look forward to these types of shows, but I will also voraciously consume them like nobodies business. The fact I dislike Black Clover as much as I do is a true testament to how awful it is. If even I, a certified shounen shit eater, find every single episode to be a trying chore in self discipline, theres a major problem there. Anyway, all I’m saying is that I’m really looking forward to 2019 because I’m going to be absolutely stuffed to bursting on as much shounen as I can fucking stand and I cannot wait. I’m looking forward to seeing what else the new year has in store for us as well, and I expect great things and lots of thirsty fantasies to come out of it.

 .⚈ ̫ ⚈.

[tumblunni]

For the kingdom hearts asks: choose your top 4 questions. 😆

1. Where would have been your home world?

Maybe Halloween Town? Or one of the final fatasy crossover places.

2. What would be your starting keyblade?

I like Fenrir, I think it pulls off the ‘looks like a car key’ thing better than riku’s new keyblade in 3. Like its not just straight up a regular car key with no additional decorations, like how the regular keyblade isnt a regular key with no decorations. Just having some weird patterns and bandages on the thing makes it neater! Also kinda resembles the key to the temple of the ancients from orignal ff7.

Tho if i had to choose between only ones that were already starting keyblades in other games, I’d say i like Aqua’s one the best. Its neat with that weird lazery hollow key shape effect

3. How many allies would you have with you as you travel?

aALL OF THE FREMSDS

4. If in a party, what would be your main role (e.g. tank, healer, synthesizer, etc.)

combination tank/damage dealer. Runs into the front lines with zero strategy except smacking stuff and Protect Friemds

5. What would be your command list if you were a D-Link? Limit to 5 commands!

Oh man I actually dont really know how D-Links work cos BBS is one the games i never finished. But uhh probably defense and counterattack stuff?

6. What would be your fighting style?

oh uhh ok better to explain it here! I’d like to be a tanky punchyness, someone who maybe isnt exactly the strongest but they can just keep attacking and annoying the fuck out of the enemy forever. In a party i’d be based around drawing aggro and protecting my friends from attacks but also maybe have some trickstery counter atatcks that give me potential to deal some damage if i get lucky.

7. What would you prioritize? Power, Magic, or Speed?

LOL i always thought it was weird that the mobile game picked those as the three elements when the main trio of the game is clearly power, magic and DEFENSE. and theres loads of enemies who are defense specialists too! i’d be that!! I wanna just be like the annoying Large Body enemy. Big cuddly person who protect they friends to the point its gamebreaking, lol!

8. What would be your ability as a support medal? BONUS, state if it's a single-target or all-target attack, and your SP cost!

Oh man im not very good at the mobile game lol XD I might say a buff defense or lower enemy attack thing cos just those are most necessary to not die in that damn hard game. or if i could have anything even stuff that isnt already possible in the game, then i’d like to be a counterattack! something like if the enemy has buffed themselves you reverse it into debuffs, or you reflect their whole attack. but itd have to have an element of chance to it so maybe it only works if you sacrifice something else, or just on a random flip a coin thing?

9. If you could be partners with one character in the series, who would it be?

URSULA IS MY FAVOURITE DIDNEY

or from the original characters I WANT VEXEN TO BE MY NEW DAD

10. What KHX/KHUX union would you belong to?

in the game i picked the snake one cos i like snake

ive been playing for ages and i still know nothing about what the damn difference is or what the personalites are of any of the bosses

11. What is your favorite magic spell?

its been ages since i played the original games but i recall that i used thunder a lot cos i am bad at aiming, lol

12. Doublejump or glide?

GLIIIIIIIIIIDE

13. Cure or esuna?

cure lol! status effects dont happen often enough to make esuna a mainstay

14. What would be your dodging move?

the goofy kabuki theater dodge pose Quina does in ff9

15. What would you have forgotten in Castle Oblivion?

Probably some sort of dark shit like “your wish is granted to forget your childhood abuse but youre left not knowing who you are because that stuff shaped you from such a young age that its become an unremoveable part of your identity”

16. Would your nobody be just another creature? Or would they belong to the Organization?

*SLAMS FIST ON THE TABLE* WHY NOT BOTH

seriously im still SO mad that all the sentient nobodies look like boring people instead of cool creatures

CREATURE CREATURE CREATURE

17. What would your costume look like in Halloween Town?

oh does anyone remember that time i drew myself a ghostsona? yeah like that! fancy top hat and coattails spoopy~!

18. What sea-creature would you be in Atlantica?

Maybe that ‘sea bunny’ underwater slug species?

19. If you could have one dream eater with you in  your travels, what would it be?

aaaa i havent played KHDDD yet but all of them look so cute and im excited to meet them and find out my favourites!

20. Would you want to travel with a heartless/nobody/unversed with you as a buddy?

YES. YES. YES.

seriously 90% of all my thoughts and posts on this series are just IMMA LOVV THE DARKNESS I WOULD GIVE MYSELF TO THE DARKNESS INSTANTLY TO HUG THESE BABS

21. What would you do if you had free time in a world and didn't have to fight?

HUG THE HEARTLESS

PLAY MINIGAMES

DRESS UP IN WEIRD KINGDOM HEARTS FASHION

SING KARAOKE WITH URSULA

22. In battle, do you prioritize speed or accuracy?

i have no depth perception lol, no accuracy in this house

23. What would be your command style? (2 max!)

i aint play BBS! i aint know! *le shrug*

24. What would be your keyblade transformation?

I aint play kh3 either!

25. What drive form would you use?

ANTI FORM cos i wanna be a COOL CREATURE seriously man FUCK THE LIGHT GIMME THE DARKNESS THE DARKNESS HAS LIL CUTE EYES

26. What would you mainly use flowmotion for?

I aint play KHDDD and also with my bad accuracy i would primarily use it for falling off buildings

27. Would you rely on cure magic, or items for healing?

when i played i was always more of a magicker healer. i feel like itd be the only spell that my khsona has on a mostly physical attack set

28. What would be your break time move?

*breakdancing softly* i aint play BBS dude, i dont kno dis shit

29. What are you better at? Ice cream beat, rumble racing, or fruitball?

it is amazing how much BBS i have not played

30. Would you know how to pilot a gummi ship?

NO i cant even ride a bike IRL lol

31. Would you use the darkness as a weapon?

YES but also NO i would use the darkness as a hugs i would just befriend a bunch of heartless like the dream eaters and cuddle them til they stop being evil

32. WILDCARD, ask me anything!

UHHHH go ahead guys!

[irl-futaba-sakura]

i just need to vent a little, i’ll prolly delete this in like 20 min cuz thats just how i am, a regret machine lmao :U

i’m at the point where i feel like i need to run away and become a new person, leaving everything behind, or i’ll just end up a dead body somewhere where nobody can find me

first thing is first, i’m venting here because i need the aspect of people potentially seeing, but i dont really want anyone to talk to me because i 100% will just shut down if that happens. if you wanna show support or whatever, a link on this post is enough, honestly. it shows me someone did read it, but i dont expect anything more, if even that at all. just wanted to clear that up. “positive talk” shit just makes me feel worse too so please dont send me anything thanks.

i dont mean that to be alarming tbh, its just that i felt that the last year was great for recovering and trying to be a normal ass human being, but i was only recovering from one thing (dumbass delusions and hallucinations that kept me from functioning like a normal person, often too much for me to even want to move from one spot in my room, etc but its for the most part passed save a few “leftovers” i guess i’ll call them, yeah i know im crazy fuck off) and not the many other things i needed to learn how to do to be a functional and useful adult in society

for fucks sake im 25 and i havnt had a stable job in years, and the only real job ive had was literally asking me to be faster than i could humanly go, spending breaks crying in the bathroom so i didnt break down in front of all the residents at the old folks home. doing art is... cool and all but its not stable and thats all my fault. 

im afraid that no matter if i get hired anywhere ill just loose the job in a year or less. if not for the fact that im the most useless thing then it will be my health issues that my previous job (the fuckign NURSES EVEN) treated like normal pain even though i lay in bed or the bathroom floor crying and throwing up pain killers. i havnt been able to see a professional for a diagnosis or even a fuckign checkup since before i was in high school. 

for the first time in a while iv ebeen wanting some way to punish myself for all the things i¿’ve done, or not done, or whatever. i havnt done anything yet anyway, though i have had time to consider some things that are pretty overall harmless but at least effective. i dunno. 

because i feel like everything is my fault.

this life i was given, somehow its my fault. punishment for not finishing school and being a useless body barely considered for any kind of job. punishment for not being able to please the people i care the most about. punishment for trying to figure my shit out on my own. punishment for this and that and the other thing.

im living a burden’s life

at this exact moment i want nothing more than to just casually disappear and jujst suddenly be someone else, if anyone at all. let me start over in anohter ountry, another body, adnother sret of problems that are hopefully not a hinderance to me getting a job and being a decent and useful body in whatever society i end up in. i guess the body part is unrealistick outside of the slight possibility of reincarnation after death, but that assumes i would reincarnate into something sentient enough to have these problems to begin with. after all im not sure i deserve another human life after this one.

but i dont really want to give up the like three people i talk to, the like four maybe five hobbies or things that interest me, the general place i live in... its not half bad here, other than being cold as fuck. theres clean water, the worst natural problem is floods, snow or tornadoes, all which are more managable than not. hell theres even gonna be a round1 opening here soon.

im afraid of the ghosts in the house now

ghosts cant really hurt you right, but the thought of seeing one, encountering one, im too scared to do things like go to the basement and do my laundry, walk around the house when im home alone. at most i may go to the kitchen to make food, i would be safer in my bed or at my desk so i will stay there.

if i see one of their faces i wont stop thinking about it, i wont wanna even be left alone, so i cant go places i need sometimes. i dont know...

im afraid of living away from the people i have gotten used to seeing every day. i have not enough merits on my own to keep myself afloat, not till i can finish school and even then i lost my high schookl records and e¿wehnerbrt i have money to potentially go to school again i only have so much and little time here ant there and i will need more for the bus, i cant do this as easily i widh i col. its stupid i hate it i hate myself for being so fucking fifficult and i wish i wan literally anyone else who didnt have to have fucked up so badly in their past that im undesirable in jobs. i dont have antyhign worth giving.

i look like shit now, i was beign a bit okay but now stress made me ugly again. i dont want to bee seen outside or by anyone at all ever. can i live my whole life behind a screen? i wish. my dental issues are worse and worse and i cant fuckign afford it and it makesd me looks like a mess and nasty even tho i cake taker of mytselff i tri i really do i wish i oculd be beetttr, i dont talk to anyone bcu im too sacred of thesm now and i lost sll my fredins but i dnt want them back at all becasude im too scared to sau hey i meedds up im sorryu im not cry typing i cnat get mu brasin to process it too fast im sorru hten barely reassable sorry

i guess if dgonna be hard to reas im sonna stor then bye

[skaian-fiddler]

State of the Webcomic

Im not sure what I wanted this to be when I started writing it. I know that as of late, Homestuck, in terms of its fanbase and its surrounding politics, has been pretty bleak. And I know that it feels like there arent alot of us left that care anymore. So I guess this is going to be something of a chronicle of the comic, and its involvement in my own experience. If youre just here for classpecting memes, feel free to totally disregard this. Otherwise… strap the fuck in I guess? Theres a nonzero amount of words about to come at you. For this 4/13, this is my account of Homestuck.

On April 13th, 2009, some guy with a shitty url published the first page of an indie webcomic. As I have come to understand, this fact would eventually become something of a ‘big deal’. At the time, however, it was not. I wouldnt be aware of its existence for quite some time.

Some years passed, and people started learning that this weird thing existed. The webcomic had survived through its fledgeling stages, and had managed to gain enough momentum and a fanbase large enough to keep above the surface and on peoples radar. At this stage, the only thing I knew about the webcomic was a single word, whispered in hushed tones: “Homestuck.” A few more years passed and the fandom began to grow steadily in proportion to a roster of increasingly convoluted characters, as well as the hair-brained complexity of the comics plot.

And then, Cascade.

I heard rumor of a webcomic that went off so huge that it fucking broke Newgrounds. Suddenly the fandom was omnipresent, and potentially out of control. From what ive picked up, it was a pretty rad time to be a nerd. “Somewhere, a soused uncle deliberately shatters china on the floor. Muddy livestock is decorated, and then lost track of. The question ‘Who's mule is this?’ at times can be heard over the din. This is now your reality.”

But, as much as I was starting to learn exactly what Homestuck was, I was hearing equally as much in terms of negativity about its fandom. Of their overwhelming presence during conventions, their reputation for immaturity, the torrents of unsealed gray face paint flooding the lobbies of unsuspecting hotels. So, I stayed away. This was like, late middle school for me, and there was no way in hell I was going to risk putting my image-obsessed ass on the line for a bunch of rainbow blooded zodiac alien shitlords and their apocalyptic tendencies. So, I stayed away.

It really was the first time something pop culture had ever gotten this big. Openbound hit, and it got bigger? Somehow? More trolls? Jesus christ. The fandom kept growing at an exponential rate, faster than people could process it, and so much so that nobody else knew how to handle it.

And then it… stopped.

The Gigapause, I think it was called. At the height of their power, the fandom was left with nothing, no new content to grab hold of, no new development to fuel their fan works, no anything. The fandom starts to lose speed. A spot of hope happens, during act 6 and is subsequently dashed against the rocks below as the Omegapause kicks in. I wasnt paying attention. I was busy, there was work to be done trying to get into college.

And just as suddenly as it had come, it was gone. The webcomic concluded in a way that implied that not only the readers, but the fictional characters themselves were freed from the scope and size of their own work. Anyone still reading watched Collide, in what I can only imagine to be 20 minutes of pure catharsis. The fandom got hit with Act 7, and that was it.

This whole time, that entire span of that seven years, nobody had ever ‘told me about Homestuck.’  Until, about a year after it ended, a friend of mine told me that the way I talk reminded them of a character called Karkat (after what Im assuming was a fairly aggressive bitch fest about something or other). Upon my asking what in the fuck kind of name Karkat is, they nostalgically smiled, and asked me if I had ever read a certain webcomic.

We went back to my dorm and they pulled it up on my computer. We read for a couple hours. I didnt think too much of it, but it was amusing enough. I put it away, and forgot about it until one lazy day like month later. And then I think it was Rose dropping a bathtub in Johns hallway that sealed the deal. I dont think I have to tell anyone following a fucking classpect blog about how addicting reading Homestuck is. I got really into the classpect system, as you can see. Im damn near constantly nerding out about videogame-esque class systems and personality studies, and I thought Homestuck’s god tier system was so fucking creative and interesting. And the music, holy shit. A flash webcomic? With LEITMOTIFS?!?

I eventually figured out that thinking Homestuck is cool in 2018 was… lonely. The people that still were fans of the comic enjoyed it in hushed tones, and in shame. It was sad, in ways. A part of me wished that I had gotten to experience it at its peak. I am not one such member of this fandom that has existed when the work was in its primordial stages, and I do not for one second claim to have been at the apex of the movement.

So what does this shitty history lesson good for anyway, right? What does it all mean? It has been nine years to the day, this 4/13, and Hiveswap is the only thing from keeping what was once considered a monumental aspect of pop culture from fading into complete obscurity. I am hopeful of the future of Homestuck, but I cannot help but also feel that one day, in the near future, it will be lost to time. And so, here we are today. I walk amongst the bones of the sun-bleached empire that used to be Homestuck. Not many people live here anymore. One day, it might be empty. One day, it might be that nobody remembers it at all.

But not as long as you are here, reading horseshit like this rant. Not as long as someone is drawing shitty fan art of the Mayor, not as long as someone is shamelessly jamming out on the bus to Sburban Jungle, and not as long as someone out there who cant think of the word ‘Pisces’ without instinctively associating it with the color fuschia. Humanitys drive to build things, to create, is rooted in an effort to outlast their own lifespan. And the same is true for this thing that we have all come to love (hate?), and for all of the thousands of people that have found some connection with each other over a common bond. I know that this whole rant has had some serious cringe potential, but know this, you bunch of nerds: As long as you are out there, reading, enjoying, then the fandom is still alive and well. And better yet? You arent alone.

Happy 4/13, kids.

“I keep having these dreams. Great empty cities, silent roads stretching for miles. The Earth from space, all dark. Not a single light to guide me home. But if someone really came from another world, what would the Earth look like to them? A wilderness? A wasteland? I don't think so. Even after thousands of years they’d see a world shaped by our hand in every aspect of its being. They'd see the cities and the roads; the bridges, the harbors. And they would say: Here lived a race of giants.”

-Acclaimed Actor and Sleeping Prophet, Charles Dutton

-Alexandra Drennan, The Talos Principle

[tiredfangs]

The Age/Site Morality Rant: Why you should leave this hellsite while you still fucking can. (EPSECIALLY IF YOURE 14 AND UNDER OR AN EMOTIONALLY SENSITIVE, A NATURALLY IMMATURE, OR A VERY GULLIBLE/EASILY MANIPULATED PERSON. GO SEEK VALIDATION ELSEWHERE, PLEASE. THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT WEBSITE TO DO IT)

while making a post on how to deal with mental illnesses (which will be up soon) i got off topic and ranted abt tumblr so im gonna post it separately here

This [edit: ‘this’ referring to the mental illness post- not posted yet] is probably one of my final pieces of advice as a teenager to other teenagers and younger kids, who- quite frankly- need to get off this website if theyre not a teenager yet. 13+ to join tumblr dude, sorry.

HELL if it were up to me, id make this site 15-16+ AT THE YOUNGEST. Thats about the age where your mind stops being a blank whiteboard, free for anyone to write whatever they want on it, and where people typically become less gullibe and childhood naivete starts going away, its about the age where people start to think for themselves a lot more, formulating opinions and morals based on past experiences and the opinions of whatever friend circle theyre in, and, (if they arent horribly abusive) the ideals and wishes of their parents and how they raised their child.

IT REALLY SHOULD BE 18+ FOR THE SOLE FACT THAT THERES EASILY ACCESSIBLE PORNOGRAPHY ON THIS WEBSITE!!!!!! IM KIND OF A HYPOCRITE DUE TO ME BEING INTERESTED IN PORN AND SEX AT AROUND 11 YEARS OLD BUT STILL!!! Im not even going to mention tumblr’s broken ass safe search/ whatever the thing they made is where it auto-flags completely harmless posts as nsfw. IT SHOULDNT BE SO EASILY ACCESSIBLE, ESPECIALLY AS A MAJOR SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM WITH LOTS OF YOUNG KIDS!!! ESPECIALLY AS A MAJOR SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM WITH A LOT OF OLDER ADULTS LOOKING FOR YOUNG KIDS TO PREY ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY KNOW THAT TEENAGERS AND TWEENS FLOCK TO THIS WEBSITE AND THEY USE THAT TO THEIR ADVANTAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[THE FOLLOWING IS A FICTIONAL SCENARIO, PRESENTED TO GIVE YOU ALL AN EXAMPLE OF A MINOR HAVING EASY ACCESS TO NSFW CONTENT AND INVOLVING THEMSELVES IN THAT COMMUNITY- AS WELL AS AN IDEA OF HOW SERIOUS THIS ISSUE ACTUALLY IS AND HOW SEVERE THE REPERCUSSIONS CAN BE IF THE PEOPLE INVOLVED IN THESE KINDS OF THINGS ARE FOUND OUT- IN A COURT OF LAW, IT DOESNT MATTER IF THE ADULT IN THE SITUATION HAD NO CLUE THE MINOR WAS A MINOR, AND IT DOESNT MATTER THAT THEY WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVED THE MINOR WAS AN ADULT- ALBEIT A SOMEWHAT BELIEVABLE ONE. I WOULDNT BE TERRIBLY SURPRISED IF THIS HAS HAPPENED IN THE PAST]

IF A MINOR POSES AS AN ADULT AND COMMISSIONS AN ADULT ARTIST FOR NSFW ART OF THEIR FAVORITE CHARACTER OR WHATEVER, THE ARTIST COULD GET IN SUPER FUCKING SERIOUS TROUBLE!!!! LEGAL TROUBLE!! IF THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED, THE ADULT ARTIST IN THIS SITUATION WOULD PROBABLY MOSTLY BE THE ONE AT FAULT, IF NOT THE MOST AT FAULT, THEN THE MOST HARSHLY PUNISHED OF THE TWO, AND WOULD HAVE TO FACE A COURT TRAIL AS WELL AS POTENTIALLY FACING JAILTIME OR HOUSE ARREST!!!!! THEYD PROBABLY BE LABELED AS A PEDOPHILE OR SOMETHING AKIN TO IT- THEYD PROBABLY HAVE TO PAY A LARGE FINE THAT THEY MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO AFFORD, DUE TO THIS GENERATION OF AMATEUR/ RISING ARTISTS BEING UNDERPAID AND STRUGGLING IN LIFE TO MAKE THEIR PASSION THEIR JOB!!!! THEY TRUSTED THEIR FOLLOWERS AND COMMISSIONERS AND WAS PROBABLY TOTALLY UNAWARE THAT THE COMMISSIONER WAS A MINOR, WHETHER IT BE BECAUSE THE ARTIST DIDNT DO A THOROUGH ENOUGH BACKGROUND CHECK, THE MINOR ‘SEEMED’ LIKE THEY WERE OVER 18 DUE TO SPEECH PATTERNS OR LEVEL OF MATURITY, OR IF THE MINOR WAS VERY KEEN ABOUT CONCEALING THEIR TRUE IDENTITY AND AGE, CONSTRUCTING A FAKE BUT BELIEVABLE PROFILE!!! THE ARTIST WOULDVE PROBABLY THOUGHT THAT THE MINOR WAS AN ADULT DUE TO THE MINOR HAVING A PAYPAL OR SOMETHING OF THE SORTS!!! WHICH YOU HAVE TO BE 18 FOR!!! THE ARTIST IN THIS SITUATION WOULD PROBABLY BE SUPER CAUTIOUS ABOUT SELLING NSFW ART AFTER EVERYTHING GETS DEALT WITH LEGALLY, MAYBE CEASING NSFW COMMISSIONS ENTIRELY. IT COULD BE AS BAD AS THE ARTSIT QUITS DOING ART ENTIRELY- PROBABLY AN IMPORTANT PASSION IN THEIR LIFE, OR AT LEAST A WAY TO PAY THE BILLS/ PAY FOR SIMPLE DEMANDS AND SMALL LUXURIES IN LIFE DUE TO COMMISSIONS BEING UNDER-PRICED IN THE AMATEUR ART WORLD- BECAUSE OF THE SITUATION!!! THE ARTIST WOULD PROBABLY BE EMOTIONALLY DAMAGED DUE TO THE INCIDENT!!! IM NOT SAYING THAT THE MINOR WOULDNT BE EITHER, BUT THE LAW IS MUCH, MUCH HARSHER ON PEOPLE 18 AND OVER.

i dont care if you think youre mature enough, i dont even care if you ARE pretty mature for your age!! thats not the problem!! Its not because i dont think people under 13 arent mature, and its not because im a teenager that hates kids under 15 due to some kind of age-based superiority complex, and i dont think im a ‘cool kid’ because i advise younger folk to stay off most social media, and ESPECIALLY needless and overly-dramatic drama (which really just makes everyone involved feel worse than when they started out)- but because this website is FULL of toxic, horrible ideals and morals that horribly, HORRIBLY misrepresent what the real, outside world is like. young minds will take this as the absolute truth, just because theyre presented as the absolute and only truth, and these twisted views and ways of life will eventually and ultimately screw you the FUCK over if you carry them into the real world and try to presen them as truth and fact to someone who knows a lot more than you, is probably older than you, and bases their world views and base morals off of personal experiences and carefully constructed values that have shaped them as a person- NOT because they saw it on the internet and want it to be true/ is manuipulated into believing its true by this fucked up site. NOBODY IN THE OUTSIDE WORLD THINKS LIKE TUMBLR DOES- AND THE PEOPLE IN THE OUTISDE WORLD THAT DO THINK LIKE TUMBLR DOES, PROBABLY HAVE A TUMBLR!!!! PEOPLE ARENT GOING TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS AROUND YOU OR EVEN CARE ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL OR THINK IN THE FIRST PLACE? YOURE NOT SPECIAL TO THEM AND YOURE NOT GOING TO GET SPECIAL TREATMENT BECAUSE YOURE GAY OR WHATEVER, THEYRE GOING TO TREAT YOU AS A HUMAN BEING WITH COMMON SENSE AND BASIC DECENCY!!!! IF YOU GET YOUR PANTIES IN A TWIST OVER SOMEONE NOT TREATING YOU LIKE THE SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE YOU THINK YOU ARE, OR UNINTENTIONALLY ‘TRIGGERING’ YOU, ITS FUCKNNG???? ITS FINE??? NOBODY CARES EXCEPT YOU AND YOU NEED TO LEARN TO UNCLENCH YOUR ASSCHEEKS AND LET GO OF THINGS.

Tumblr is a disgusting bastardizaton on how the world is, and how people should act. Stop looking at the world from your narrow tube of ignorance and refusal to listen to anybodys opinions other than your own and people like-minded to you. Yall have tried so hard to be loving and accepting to everyone, that youve BECOME the oppressors, only accepting a narrow range of people into your sick cult, pampering and conditioning them to how you want them to be and then dropping them off on a street corner when they start forming problems and morality issues because of your teachings. It took me YEARS to unlearn the toxic shit that tumblr shoved down my throat, and i took as fact, due to me being so young, vunerable, and gullible. 

The people on this website are absolutely horrible and theres a reason tumblr is considered one of the worst social media websites on the internet. The only reason im on here is because it provides a wide variety of art in all different mediums, and i like laughing at funny text posts. 

TLDR: if youre a young teenager or under 13, please leave this website before its too late. sincerely, a teenager that turns into an adult 4 days from now and kind of knows what theyre talking about from the 5 years they spent on this site.

[macklives]

homestuck recap

i hated this so fucking much bc my 2 am bitch-ass didnt want to read a recap thats probably longer than any slowburn out there

anyways here it is

also, uhhH sorry im using this as a end of session discussion bc that shit gets explained in her as well. and im not writing up more recaps of a recap so this is where im done for the day. (by done for the day i mean last nights session, im still doing a liveblog soon. i just wrote this yesterday)

also that this is long

you dont have to read it, theres nothing of importance

ive been coping with humor to get me through it

neato.

have fun with what i suffered through:

why was “beta” the only thing unhighlighted?

like did i miss a page???

OH its the beta version of HS thats why

damn its like 5 pages and thats it

mmh

well youll all be happy to know im clicking every single one of these links again bc i like looking back like ahh i remember that. good times. also in case i forgot some shit existed.

do you think andrew had fun writing this? or was he like “fuck”

thats a lot of fucking package talk. good thing im not confused as of now and remember it pretty clearly. of else, this early on in the recap, id be screwed.

god remember when i did an analysis on each item and what it did

i feel as if i have the technology engrained inside my head right now

cruxite, alchemeter, all that jazz

flashbacks are starting up already

yeah, that was the good part in homestuck where i knew 100% that i probably would continue on this liveblog in its entirety, ngl

that one explosion scene. bc it kept me going.

OH W A IT SHIT

i just realized how the intermission spades probably fucking foreshadowed the whole jack revolts thing and gains the ring, which was also technically JOHNS fault considering he slashed up the doll in the first place

my god, i guess thats the only good aspect of the recap. looking back at things and realizing the missing pieces.

oh that makes sense for the whole “this prototyping had no effect on the enemies, since he was already in the medium” i didnt actually think about that

little did rose know where that would get her right now

oh yeah

there’s still the whole entire lab terminal thing and how mom basically knows the place exists. i guess we’re still venturing onto that and itll come up later when we find out how mom knows SO MUCH about the game.

still think shes some weird spy or secret agent

i kinda love her ngl

anyways, theres literally no reason for skaia to produce a cloning machine. so technically, they only sent the meteors in, right? so who put the cloning machine in if not mom?

oh yeah that impact was nerve wrecking asf

and still at this point in the comic i called dave fuckboy red

huh, how times change

i hated reading that whole paragraph ngl, the frustration just kicked me in the boobs again

yeah nobody else got tornadoes, huh?

OH that makes also much more sense

bc she did prototyped them before she entered the medium.

i gotcha

man one of my favorite edits i made, rose hitting that meteor with a bat

are you

telling me

the exiles structures they arrived on were in the form of the items the kids used to enter the medium?

THE EGG

THAT EXPLAINS “EGG”

of course it was 413 years ago. that was never explained. simply vague “many years in the future....” but i expected no less from this

man serenity is the most wholesome character in hs no doubt

damn thought andy here was really gonna spoil us jade’s planet

okay cool, im glad i now have the layout to the whole “their stations went to the coordinates of the home button” shindig

man i honestly dont know what else to say besides “yeah cool recap” when i already pretty much know what went down? ofc im looking into each link and shit and adding in things when i see fit, but otherwise its just me going “ah good times” yknow

the whole meteor thing kinda makes sense now?

we’re still missing a few pieces of info but we’re getting there, folks

oh yeah that reveal

god jade and dave have it in the shits for parents huh

bro isnt the best and jade has a fucking dog

who lowkey

is doing better than bro

who knew a fucking dog is a better guardian than bro lmfao

dreambot = terminator. im telling you.

sorry im still on that idea and it will never leave unless i have the actual proof in front of me that its not going to become a thing. meaning, ive finished hs and theres still no terminator dreambot or either andrew himself gives me a canon letter with “the robot is not arnold, mackenzie, pls just let it be”

why is the entire game session highlighted

i swear to god if this is like to a second recap or smth of the whole game session i may fucking CRY

okay thank god its just a design of the skaia layout

which is honestly cool

idk why its blurry tho but i can at least see the layout now. which is honestly how i pictured it anyways.

yeah, john did make a huge impact in his friends’ life and i find that so fucking touching

yep. got that. everything loops around. cool.

especially when the trolls come in. god we havent even gotten to that recap portion yet, we havent even gotten to the INTERMISSION

pls can this be the halfway point to the recap

AT LEAST

so they were exiled after the whole jack: ascend thing, right? considering theyre way in the future. man no fucking wonder.

speaking of jack

man that whole dad and jack interaction was gold, ngl

OH THAT EXPLAINS THE RING THEN

and wow, andrew’s really giving us the best female content huh. andrew is the true god of equality and diversity.

also hey, i didnt realize that wow. so PM tricked the queen in showing the parking ticket to be able to take the present from jack. she’s a smart cookie, that one..

she and PM basically snitched on jack and it was the best thing that has happened to me so far

oh yeah okay

but why did AR panic over bec? bc thats something we havent learned yet, right?

anyways

exile town, the only town which should exist. facts. i dont make the rules.

noice

i love PM being queen. like.. thats canon now. shes an actual queen.

yeah that was a fun game and the consorts were cute

fuck yeah the dick head

hate them even more now that i know john was killed because of them

anyways, i wonder what dick move dave’s denizen did? maybe thats why its filled with lava bc the denizen was like “fuck it. make the land red. kill them all”

UH WHAT

WHAT

OH MY GOD HOW DID I JUST FORGET NANNAS LETTER LIKE THAT LMFAO

THEIR TITLES WERE THERE THE WHOLE TIME!

so i still dont know what they mean but i can gather it has something to do with the game giving them abilities. considering dave is the “knight of time” and he can go back in time. whack.

which means john can either control someones breathing or simply wind. and rose is... like that one girl in the winx club who does the sun shit. bc whenever i think of light powers, i think of stella.

and jade is space. witch of space.

nice

i have no idea what that means ngl

okay finally

we’re at the trolls

maybe this recap will end soon

i remember when i thought they were internet bullies

yesss

someone asked if i basically knew the trolls were on a different veil than the kids, so not presently with them, and i know lol. i was making a joke before btw. jsyk. dont think im incompetent to forget these things when sometimes i choose to forget it so i can add in a joke

it be like that, i annoy many

then again, pls dont assume im trying to say im not incompetent bc im also a fucking dumbass and DO forget shit and i have no excuse

imagine being so bored on the meteor, your last resort is speaking to aliens

ngl me if i was ever trapped on a meteor and could potentially do that

nah ik its bc its their only hope at helping with their session or whatever tf CG said to john. but there was BOUND to be a conference meeting between them like “okay guys. humans. that needs to be sorted out” and you just hear CG screaming in the background

i cant wait to meet them honestly bc im growing on all 4 of the ones we’ve seen already. and on top of that, i know what they look like and i know theyre not THAT bad, just a little on the crayy zee side sometimes

but theyre trying

OH MY GOD

I GET IT

FUCK

DOES THAT MEAN THE INTERMISSION IS *APART* OF THE MAIN FUCKING STORY??

AND SPADES IS WV FOR THE TROLLS

GOD D A M N

wow

i didnt expect that. but maybe the signs were there and i was just willingly choosing to ignore it or smth bc “haha couldnt be, right”

flashbacks to how i thought the trolls were humans

anyways, i guess he got his revenge on the kids version of “snowman” ie the black queen. but really

he did not have to do that. he could have cut off the finger and fled. but he decided “nah, lets implode her” so the loml is dead and all i got was a catchy song

i knew they were different types of “bullies” but now i just have to replace bullies with uhh

trolling strategies

anyways, this is cute. i love how they’ve come to be friends through mutual frustration. good part in the comic.

i wonder why it explodes

more importantly

....

terminator time?

this was my favourite sequences of dialogues in the whole entirety of homestuck. that is to say the back and forth thing that the kids went through to become a sort of wingman for the other.

absolutely gold.

all except AT’s rap.

GC was the only smart one with the linear shit

anyways fuck he still has to kill the denizen now but apparently its hard to beat for a sleeping dick head so

that will be fun for the future

john will probably need to kill A LOT of imps to get there

yeah rose is a badass bc she slayed that thing with needles of all things

OH and the white queen was the cursive

damn did AR ever do the whole guide process to a kid yet? maybe he will with dave, idk

oHHH

i fucking SEE

thats why he said DNA

to use it and replace all the life forms in the ocean

fucking neat wow

man that sounded sarcastic but im genuinely impressed bc all i got was bullshit as i read jaspersprites log

so thats the secret. it was “meow” bc that somehow translates to the genetic code she needs then. and that code apparently took fucking years to write as well. sick. whack. oh man.

derse is very pretty, ngl

and wow shit

“dave had already been awake in his tower all along without realizing it” how tf does someone just

do that, awake in both places at once

i didnt even fucking realize that fact as i read that pesterlog wow

ah yes, around the time things got confusing

okay so the capsule makes sense bc at first i didnt know it was a fucking time capsule so i got confused as to how it just apparated the game lmfao

the more you know i guess *twinkle*

i find that a neat concept tho

like the whole whatever you prototype affects the imps and shit

yeah so that whole “he had no advice” basically impacted his future

no shit dave wanted to reset things bc he probably thought he caused some sort of bad butterfly effect and killed his best friend

fuck calsprite thats all im gonna say

i read that first sentence and i think i got an aneurysm

and then everything else just made me sad again

i mean good thing he fucking did amirite?

we got pain at first but now we got cool shit like idk

fucking DAVESPRITE

damn idk how that works

will rose have like two minds now? or will this be some steven universe fusion shit?

“and understood their meaning” course well i fucking didnt so could you pls elaborate, rose?

okay but then what the fuck did he use that was inside the fucking box

bc i thought he used his knife?

im only every going to refer him as that now, thank you andrew

alright okay..

god that was a lot

i dont know what will happen once i click on those links but i am going to see that for myself bc i refuse to add ANYTHING ELSE

[mychristopherstokes66world]

https://cnn.it/2Itd2mY And this comes one week after Trump was briefed on ufos (as he claimed in NBC interview on sunday). >Tucker suddenly talking about ufos >Wolf Blitzer suddenly talking about ufos >Jake Tapper suddenly talking about ufos the fuck is going on here???????? you know how hollywood is out of fresh new ideas and rehashes old movies to increasingly anoyed audiences? well the government is doing the same, rehashing old distractions to distract the masses. what i dont know yet is what they are trying to distract us from ((They))) know what is going to happen. This is why they are forced to push their UFO narrative. The Script was never made to play out in such a short time. This is why it looks so odd. Out of place. They are forced to get the UFO narrative over, to a point where they can start Blue Beans. What is forcing them? What is going to happen soon? soon pain? 4th july Blackout? 10 days? june 23? coincendent? think about  sudden false flag sudden push to ww3 sudden pizzagate back at the table -yet no new news in there -video about the lie detector is from 2018 sudden ayy image threads all over the board sudden slide threads everywhere sudden bob lazar sudden tic tac ufo what is going on that they need so much derail? what is going to happen? soon? think about it Dont ask me how I know this but this capeshit culture and “ayylmaos” invading jewyork etc in hollyshit flicks are just tier 1 level conditioning. In phase 2 the U.S will be perfecting their “mothership” trials capable of launching ALCM nukes In phase 3 the U.S will set them off on countries for depopulation and declare their own manufactured falseflag as “alien attack” The great thing about this is that nobody would doubt them because zoomers and millenials are already programmed to react to alien invasions on the big screen. Instead of being shocked to oblivion it’ll be “as seen on tv” moment for them As their open-onions-mouth pose lingers till they are nuclear dust https://thedevilman666.blogspot.com/https://www.facebook.com/groups/qanonreports https://twitter.com/CIACLOWN1 https://www.bitchute.com/channel/ciaclown16661/

Look who is pushing the UFO narrative they are all clinton dogs why are only those people pushing for it? Do they want to keep their hands on ayys? Do they think Trump has something? Do they know? Do they fear he is gettnig there first? When will he make his move? How much time is left for the left ufo society? 23? 4? run rabbit run enjoy the show pain is coming There’s the declassification Multiple investigations in Clinton enterprises. Inspector general shit gonna drop. NXVIUM (or whatever the fuck) Look at all the weird weird shit too Merkel literally shaking Obama visiting Italy Tides turning, so deep state is pulling out all the stops they can. Shits actually pretty pathetic. ive been doing some listening to videos on MK Ultra and its starting to make a little sense. >emotionlessly sets himself on fire >some random local government employee snaps and shoots people im not saying people don't lose it, but this event specifically kinda makes me wonder  I've seen some shit that would make the matrix movies seem like a nice walk in the park. Imagine what people 2000 years ago knew... multiply that by 3 times by what people know nowadays. That's the future I have seen. All I can tell you.... it's very organic. You need not worry. Well, some people will die but the majority will be really well off.  I've seen some shit that would make the matrix movies seem like a nice walk in the park. Imagine what people 2000 years ago knew... multiply that by 3 times by what people know nowadays. That's the future I have seen. All I can tell you.... it's very organic. You need not worry. Well, some people will die but the majority will be really well off.

 >>Tucker suddenly talking about ufos >>Wolf Blitzer suddenly talking about ufos >>Jake Tapper suddenly talking about ufos Time to bury REAL news

Iran is going to be a combat exercise to demonstrate true next generation military aircraft to Russia and China without giving them controlled combat data. They are currently massaging public opinion on UFOs for the same reason fusion reactors are gradually being introduced as a difficult thing to build. There is a good chance that the technology is relatively simple in the current technological landscape and potentially volatile on a nuclear scale.

>nukes on countries We got ebola transmitted through the air. We got holograms in the sky. We can transmit noises/voices directly into the skull. Why wouldn't we convince the whole lot of them to kill each other (even faster)? Lockheed has already built a mini tokamak that fits in the bed of a truck and can power a small City. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lockheed_Martin_Compact_Fusion_Reactor the message of these sightings is that the Navy doesn't want to investigate it's unclear if the Navy lacks the technology to shoot these motherfuckers out of the sky or lacks the will to shoot them down the point is that ANY rival nation could be operating the UFOs, possibly Russia, possibly Israel, and it doesn't have to be a rival nation, it could be an ALLY that is doing this, like the UK if it is an ally, then you can see what an important thing it is to shoot them out of the sky, reveal the traitor, and break the will of the traitor to fly these fuckers at us anything that takes time away from other operations is a waste of taxpayer/public funds it's basically a leaky boat if you're just complaining about UFOs all day long, then you're taking taxpayer funds and pointing at the sky and drooling it's fucking pointless, and you look like a dork people are going to lose respect for the USA You live on a planet in the very center of the entire observable and measurable universe. The.exact.center. >Axis of Evil >CMB >coincidence You are a fractal microcosm of the macrocosmic universal consciousness. You are too stupid to understand what this means. The same energy that created everything in existence, GOD in the original form as consciously aware energy, exists within you as it is you. You are a God within THE GOD, albeit throttled because you have proven yourself incapable of becoming consciously aware of your own subconscious creative power. >prove aliens dont exist If aliens do exist... it is because you are so fucking stupid and lost that your subconscious has to create a retard dimension where you learn mind creates reality in totality. >very few will understand this The Universe literally revolves around you

What's incredible is that the Gimbal UFO video, which we know now was in 2015 off the East coast of the US, does exactly what Lazar describes - rotates to turn onto the "bottom" of the saucer. As time goes on, Lazar is being vindicated.

>Does anyone actually believe this guy? I think he was taken for a ride on his occasional visits to a theoretical research facility he was more or less consulting at should be taken in consideration. They did test saucer like things that turned into hovercraft once. Pic related. It was for the navy. Maybe the were researching better ways to do it and had lots of jokes on past projects. He didn't seem to be a full member. Yeah, that makes sense. But the stuff lazar predicted and filmed was weird. This suggests that on those test nights, the military was testing shit unlike anything ever seen. Doesn’t necessarily mean ayys, but it does show that bob had knowledge of the government having very advanced stuff and he also knew when they were testing it. Showing his buds is what got him fired. deep state trying to save themselves. Iran didnt work, now they're trying for UFOs. It wont work either, but rats are most dangerous when they're cornered. I've seen UFO's in my time in the military, but somethings off on this, I ain't buying it. All you need to know is the guys "disclosing" ufos are podestas buddys, elizondo literally said he was told by higger ups theyre demons, greer is affiliated with these guys. Greer literally preaches meditating and prayer to summon lights in sky. Ayyyes are real but this isnt ayes boys theyre trying to convince us their dmt demon buds are the ayes come to save us. All you need to know is the guys "disclosing" ufos are podestas buddys, elizondo literally said he was told by higger ups theyre demons, greer is affiliated with these guys. Greer literally preaches meditating and prayer to summon lights in sky. Ayyyes are real but this isnt ayes boys theyre trying to convince us their dmt demon buds are the ayes come to save us. Dont believe them anons hold steadfast pol has and always will be a Christian board !!! Americans used to fly F-117s into their bases in the UK, before it was even known that they existed, they'd fly them in at night, with no lights on, and go straight into a hangar, from an unlit runway theres probably loads of secret aerospace projects that'll be common knowledge in 20 years, but by todays standards it seems like whacko-tech that's been going on for years though. The amount of media coverage on UFO's seems to be one of two things: 1) They are attempting to distract from the Deep State losing the covert war against the United States and the recent happenings with Iran seem to correlate with this. or 2) The lying mainstream media is grasping at straws in attempts to attract more viewers. It could be a combo of both, but I'm leaning more towards option 1 being the NIXVM degenerate sex cult is being busted wide open and (not to sound like a Qtard) but I'm beginning to believe we might at last see Justice. It's ALL a complete diversion. (((They))) don't want the public to see or know something. My guess is the NXIVM cult, its ties to pizzagate, hollywood, government, Clinton Global Initiative, etc. Remember Anthony Wiener's laptop that got seized in Oct of 2016? That laptop is now legal evidence in the NXIVM trial. What if this just means the US finally has craft capable of complete air superiority and wants to test them in the real world without risk of subversion by our enemies? If one were to go down or be shot down by Russia or China or something they could reverse engineer, but if they test the craft against the US Navy there is no risk if one is captured. What if they're just using aliens as cover for the fact that the US is close to complete air superiority. Once these craft have been field tested and verified, which one can imagine would take a long time, they'll be ready for primetime. The US could then seize control of any asset it desires totally uncontested. According to Werner Von Braun, the plan to weaponize space always revolved around providing more and more dangers that would require escalated military strategy and orbital placements for espionage/communications and then weapons. 1. Communism 2. Terrorism 3. Rogue nations 4. Meteors 5. UFOs STARLINK is checkmate for the government that controls it. 24 hour real time monitoring likely managed by AIs of every inch of the earth with the ability to run facial recognition on people and read text written on a notepad from orbit. Directed weapons anywhere on the planet in seconds of response time Weather control Various forms of population suppression methods The aether is real, you were lied to in physics class, the US government has had earthquake machines, electromagnetic weather control, death rays that can melt an engine block from hundreds of miles away and antigravity since the 1940s when they confiscated everything Tesla owned when he died. I am tired of spoonfeeding you lazy fuckers. >And the FBI released it? Not DARPA or the pentagon or whatever? It was a Freedom of Information Act request, all they admitted was that they were interested in his work after he stopped working at Westinghouse, that they collected all newspaper articles they could find describing his work, a few descriptions and that they confiscated everything he owned when he died. Official finding was that nothing was of practical value and all of it was classified and remains so. I started looking into Tesla's lectures and notes after that, I have a few pages of copypasta I have made talking about this stuff, but it is too much effort to get through the captchas and post it in every thread, I already dropped the basics in the redpills thread (which 404d and isn't in the archives despite hitting over 330 posts) earlier this evening and I have no intention of bothering again tonight. Newfrens need to stop filling the board with idiotic garbage, understand that the shills are real, know that important information is drowned out intentionally, learn that really important topics are deleted on sight and most importantly LURK MORE. "On Light and Other High Frequency Phenomena" "On The Problem of Increasing Human Energy" He was taken to a room and shown. Documents....allowed to read them all etc. CIA purposely disinforms people working on SAPS. They let everyone individually read the "secret files" with each copy having variations unique to each person. This is how you find out who is sharing classified information. He was given a bs story on its origin and tasked with reverse engineering it...essentially seeing if/how long it takes a civilian scientist to unravel your exotic technology using observation. Then you have a cost/threat assessment on the consequences of crashing your shit in the Soviet Union for example. How long would it take for a foreign adversary to have a working prototype were this to fall into the wrong hands

https://www.metabunk.org/debunking-bob-lazars-drawing-of-s-4-hangers.t9839/ Check this out everyone. Quite a hole in Bob Lazar's claim in seeing 9 craft one day. https://www.ufosightingsdaily.com/2019/06/bob-lazar-and-george-knapp-did-rare.html?m=1 bob was not very nice to our guy tesla Because the glowniggers refuse to acknowledge their real sources, which come from two places 1. From God fearing scientists their predecessors robbed and/or murdered Nikola Tesla Wilhelm Reich Viktor Schauberger Many many others, those are the ones worth reading first in no particular order. 2. From aliens, which are demons, sometimes they channel or remote view, sometimes they interact with their physical offspring, the Nephilim, which are all 100% evil and hostile to both God and men. >is it talkin about him talkin to aliens agen? That part of Tesla's work is vastly overblown and intentionally misrepresented. Some of Tesla's later devices picked up signals that Tesla claimed were clearly of intelligent origin, he tried to decipher them and what they were saying spooked him enough to not bring the subject up again or use such machines. Our science would probably call what he was doing entanglement, which is a product of local geometry, certain geometries entangle things with malevolent spirits that our ancestors would rightly call demons, but the more correct term is Watchers and the book of Enoch describes their last time interacting with the earth before they were sealed away

Bob is full of shit.

He's went to a different college to his claims of MIT and Caltech records his records and other students remember him being at

>Pierce College

>California State University 

He's a disinfo agent. 

The FBI have been sent on a fool's errand by top brass in the Pentagon.

He's a disinfo agent. 

The FBI have been sent on a fool's errand by top brass in the Pentagon.

Caller:

Can you list your credentials?

Lazar:

As far as what?

Caller:

Schooling, degrees.

Lazar:

I have two masters degrees; one’s in physics; one’s in electronics. I wrote my thesis on MHD, which is magnetohydrodynamics.

I worked at Los Alamos for a few years as a technician and then as a physicist in the Polarized Proton Section, dealing with the accelerator there.

I was hired at S-4 as a senior staff physicist to work on gravitational propulsion systems and whatnot associated with those crafts.

Caller:

What school did you go to?

Lazar:

I’d rather not say, the reason being I am currently working with them under contract, and I’m having enough trouble with this as it is.

>From “Alien Contact”, by Timothy Good, in a March 1990 interview:

“Bob told me that he had attended Pierce Junior College, California, then the California Institute of Technology (Cal Tech), and the California State University at Northridge. A period of employment by Fairchild was followed by a return to Cal Tech. He claims to have obtained master’s degrees in physics (his thesis: Magnetohydrodynamics) from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) and in electronics from Cal Tech. To date, no evidence for these degrees has been forthcoming. Although physicist Stanton Friedman has been able to verify that Lazar did indeed attend both Pierce Junior College and California State University, he drew a blank at MIT. ‘There’s no trace of him at MIT and no record of him having attended any course. Maybe he took a lot of courses but didn’t get a degree – that’s a possibility'”.

(Note of correction from TM: In personal correspondence, Stanton Friedman informed me that Good’s statement about Friedman’s verifications was in error. The only school Friedman was able to find evidence of Lazar’s attendance at was Pierce College. Friedman stated to me he drew a blank on Lazar at Cal State Northridge.)

>From the Pre-Sentence Report, dated 7/27/90, for Lazar’s pandering conviction. This was as related by Lazar to the Parole/Probation officer preparing the report:

8-76, high school graduate, Westbury, New York (verified)

1978, Bachelor of Science Degree in Physics and Electronic Technology, Pacifica University (correspondence university).

1982, Masters of Science in Physics, MIT, Cambridge, Massachusetts.

1985, Masters of Science in Electronic Technology, Cal Tech, California.

>From the “Ultimate UFO Seminar” at Rachel, Nevada, May 1, 1993:

Question:

Bob, could you tell us about your education? I’ve heard a lot of conflicting things; I’d like to hear from you.

Lazar:

That varies widely. As far as electronic technology, my degree there is from CalTech and physics is from MIT.

Question:

Did you go to Pierce College?

Lazar:

Yeah, I did. Where did you hear that?

Question:

A friend that said something, somebody I don’t even know. I just thought, it’s something I want to ask, to clear my mind.

Lazar:

Yeah, I went to Pierce and Northridge and then…I’m terrible at dates. I don’t know what date I was at Pierce, probably like in seventy-six or something, I was at Pierce and then seventy-seven or eight I went to Northridge just for a short time for some classes, then I was at CalTech, and MIT after that.

Later…

Question:

What was the year of your graduation from MIT, and did you get a Ph.D.?

Lazar:

No, it was a Masters Degree. The year. What was the year of graduation? Probably 82.

On the “Lark and Craig Morning Show” KOMP 92.3 FM, November 1994

Craig:

Well, you’re a smart guy. Where did you go to school? How many degrees do you have?

Lazar:

Two degrees.

Craig:

In what?

Lazar:

Physics and Electronic Technology.

Craig:

So what is that? A Ph.D.? What is that?

Lazar:

No, they’re Masters degrees.

Craig:

Masters degrees.

Lark:

Wow!

To summarize Lazar’s academic claims on the basis of his public statements he received the following:

A Bachelors Degree in Physics and Electronic Technology from Pacifica University in 1978.

A Masters Degree in Physics from MIT (Thesis: Magnetohydrodynamics) in 1982.

A Masters Degree in either Electronics or Electronic Technology from CalTech in 1985.

Note that there is a reasonable amount of consistency to his story over its various tellings. However, at Lazar’s Rachel talk he said he went to CalTech, then MIT.

Analysis:

There is a lot of data to cover, so for a first pass through, let us just look at where Lazar was at various points in time, and consider the possibilities of his attendance at the various schools he’s claimed.

Lazar graduated from high school in August of 1976 on Long Island, New York. Following that, the Lazar family moved to California, purchasing a home in the San Fernando Valley in June of 1977. It’s reasonable to assume that they had rented something in the area prior to purchasing the house, so that would have put Lazar in the area by late 1976 or early 1977.

Lazar has claimed to have attended Pierce College, a 2 year community college, in 1976. His attendance at this college, although not the precise time period, has been verified by Stanton Friedman. Lazar’s attendance at Pierce is quite likely given that he would have lived fairly close at that point in time.

Also in this general period, Lazar claimed to have attended Cal State Northridge “…just for a short time for some classes..”. This is possible and wouldn’t conflict with his general whereabouts.

The next time we can pin down Lazar’s whereabouts was on July 27, 1980 when he married his first wife Carol. According to the marriage certificate he was living in Canoga Park and he listed his occupation as “Electronics Engineer”. Curiously, he also listed his highest grade of schooling completed as 12. His location is consistent with statements he has made about working for Fairchild Industries, which was located in the San Fernando Valley.

Moving into the future, Lazar again surfaces 2 years later in the famous “Los Alamos Monitor” Jet Car story on June 27, 1982. The paper said the Lazars had moved to Los Alamos “…about a month ago from California.” >From other statements in the article, it’s apparent the Lazars had been in California for some time and that he had just started work at LANL.

Yet this is the year Lazar claimed, on at least two occasions, to have received a Masters degree from MIT. However there is no evidence whatsoever that Lazar was anywhere other than California or Los Alamos during this time. Indeed, there is no evidence in ANY of the numerous public records concerning Lazar that he had ever been in or around Cambridge Massachusetts.

When Lazar filed for bankruptcy in July of 1986, the information he was required to provide gives a snapshot of his whereabouts and activities in the years immediately prior to his filing. Is there anything in this mass of data that could even remotely allow for Lazar to spend a year at CalTech, obtaining his Masters degree, as he has claimed, in 1985?

Well, in it he states that the only places he’s lived in the previous 6 years were 2 addresses in Los Alamos (Note that this is already incorrect since he didn’t arrive in Los Alamos until mid-1982). He also states that his occupation for the previous 6 years was as a photo processor at his residence. Oddly, Los Alamos employment was not mentioned.

It also shows that he was very active in the Los Alamos area in 1985, borrowing heavily, apparently in part to support his photo processing business. For example, the records show that in March, 1985 he borrowed $12,000 to upgrade his business’s film printers. Other purchases in 1985 included a Corvette for $19,000, a number of personal loans, and finally a house in Las Vegas in June of 1985.

If we are to believe “Omni” magazine (and I’ll leave that to the reader’s discretion), in 1985 Lazar was on vacation in Nevada and bought into a legal brothel near Reno.

Again, the records clearly show that in 1985, and the few prior years, Lazar was either at Los Alamos or occasionally Las Vegas. There is not the slightest hint that he may have been working away at a Masters degree in Pasadena at CalTech.

Now that we have an idea of where and when Lazar was, let’s take a more detailed look at what information is available for each school.

W. TRESPER CLARKE HIGH SCHOOL, WESTBURY, LONG ISLAND, NEW YORK:  There doesn’t seem to be any debate that Lazar did indeed attend and graduate from this school. In correspondence with Stanton Friedman, he stated to me, “Re the High School. Bob was graduated in August, not June, 1976, strongly suggesting that he had to take a summer course to get enough credits. He ranked 261 out of 369 (bottom third). He did take Chemistry. I obtained this information myself first hand from the school. They will undoubtedly deny giving the class rank to me since that is privacy act protected…it is a long story.”

PACIFICA UNIVERSITY:  The statement in his Presentencing Report that he received a Bachelors degree from Pacifica, and labeled it a “correspondence university” is rather unique. I have seen a lot of statements made by Lazar concerning his education, but in none of them does he say where he received his undergraduate degree. It’s a subject he seldom mentions.

Unfortunately, Pacifica University has proven difficult to locate. A number of national college directories were consulted, including those listing vocational and correspondence schools. A few of the guides were “The College Blue Book”, “American Universities and Colleges” and “The McMillan Guide to Correspondence Study”. Nowhere was there a Pacifica University listed.

The State of California Department of Education’s Council for Private, Post-Secondary and Vocational Education was contacted. They regulate all vocational and correspondence schools within the state. They informed me that they had no listing for a Pacifica University within California, either now or in the past.

A search of statewide phone records, at least in California, did turn up a Pacifica Liquor Store, but as tempting an explanation as that might be, it probably has no relevancy. Assuming Lazar was enrolled in a correspondence school by the name of Pacifica University in the late 1970s, it would now appear to be out of business. Unless Lazar himself is forthcoming as to just where this establishment was, additional verification efforts are likely useless.

PIERCE COLLEGE:  Lazar’s attendance at this institution has been corroborated, although the extent of his attendance is not known. This was done some time ago by Stanton Friedman.

It was also done a second time by Friedman after Lazar spoke at Rachel, Nevada in May of 1993. When asked to name some of his professors at MIT and CalTech, Lazar responded with the name “Dr. Duxler” at CalTech. According to Glenn Campbell, the only Duxler listed in the 1993 “National Faculty Directory” was a William Duxler, Director of Computing for Pierce College.

According to personal correspondence, Friedman then contacted Duxler at Pierce, who was found to teach physics and math at Pierce. Duxler stated he never taught at Caltech. Further, Duxler checked his old records and told Friedman that Lazar took at least one of his classes in the late 1970s.

CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY AT NORTHRIDGE:  Some people looking into Lazar’s schooling at Cal State Northridge may have picked up a false positive due to an interesting coincidence. There WAS a Robert Lazar who attended Cal State Northridge and graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree in Business in 1978. However a review of the photo in the 1978 CSUN yearbook, the “Sunburst”, clearly shows this is not our beloved Lazar, but rather someone else.

As previously mentioned, Stanton Friedman stated that he checked with CSUN and found no evidence that Lazar had attended there. Timothy Good has apparently misstated that fact in his book “Alien Contact”.

MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY:  Standard inquiries have been made by George Knapp and Stanton Friedman and turned up nothing. Friedman informed me that he took the additional step of checking with the alumni office and at least the 1982 commencement list.

Glenn Campbell visited MIT in 1993 and searched through a number of the printed student records there. The idea behind this particular effort was that while elimination of computer records could be within the realm of possibility, it is essentially inconceivable that some agency would have the capability to change printed records that had widespread distribution.

Lazar, or any obvious misspellings of his name, was not listed in any MIT student directory between 1978 and 1990. Other publications checked included the MIT faculty/staff telephone directories from 1978-1990, the MIT “Degree List” from 1979-1990, and the 1989 “MIT Alumni/ae Register”.

This exhaustive searching, coupled with the June 1982 Los Alamos “Monitor” story that puts Lazar in Los Alamos newly arrived from California, leads to the inevitable conclusion that Lazar did not attend MIT as he claims.

CALIFORNIA INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY: Lazar has claimed, on different occasions, a Masters degree from CalTech in either electronics or electronic technology. Standard inquiries by Friedman and Knapp found no evidence of his attendance.

A recent visit by me with Natalie Gilmore of the CalTech Graduate Studies Department provided some important information. CalTech does not currently have, nor has it ever had any sort of graduate degree in “electronics” or “electronic technology”, or anything near those names. CalTech does offer a degree in Electrical Engineering.

Now if you have a friend or relative with an EE degree, you might, in conversation, refer to them as having a degree in “Electronics”, not realizing the distinction. However, if it is YOUR degree, it is highly unlikely after all the effort it required you would misstate what it was. People with advanced degrees, particularly in the science and engineering fields, are usually quite precise in the “pronunciation” of their degrees.

Assuming Lazar had a bachelors degree from an unaccredited school (The two year schooling period and correspondence status infer this), I asked Ms. Gilmore what the possibilities were for admittance into a Masters program at CalTech. She said it was possible, although extremely slim, due to the intense competition for admittance to CalTech. She also added that the Masters programs there are one year and require full time attendance.

However, Ms. Gilmore provided some additional data that actually support Lazar’s case, and in fairness should be mentioned. It seems that for most Masters programs at CalTech (including EE), a thesis is not required. Lazar has only claimed one thesis, in MHD, at MIT.

Furthermore, I had previously made a fairly exhaustive search through many years worth of the CalTech yearbook, “The Big T”, and was unable to turn up any trace of Lazar. However, Ms. Gilmore informed me that graduate students are usually not included in the publication. So it would seem that my efforts in this area, as reported in the timeline, are inconclusive.

However, the lack of on-campus evidence, coupled with his physical whereabouts still force the conclusion that Lazar never attended CalTech. His statement to the probation officer of a 1985 degree is particularly absurd in view of the activities he himself listed for 1985 in his bankruptcy papers.

After plowing through all this data, it is enough to satisfy me, personally, that Lazar never attended either CalTech or MIT. Of this I am certain of beyond a reasonable doubt.

How then do I explain the mystery of why Lazar clings so tenaciously to his claims of degrees from these institutions? I can’t really. To me it is one of the great mysteries of his story. I find it hard to swallow he would maintain such a story in light of all the means of verification. Of course there are other alternative explanations, but their probability is very small.

Only Lazar has the answer of why.

Possible Explanations:

Lazar has lied, and continues to do so, about his educational background.

In addition to all his other activities, Lazar was able to find time to pursue higher education and actually may possess a degree or degrees, but for unknown reasons wants to keep it secret and uses the CalTech and MIT degrees as a cover, taking the resultant abuse.

The boys at S-4, as part of their efforts to discredit Lazar, in some way implanted the absolute conviction in Lazar’s mind that he possesses the degrees, making him appear a fraud to anyone checking his past.

A note to the readers:

This pretty much concludes the series, although I have 2 more installments planned. One is a list of little nagging questions, while not full fledged flaws, are still uncomfortable loose ends to the story that perhaps Gene can explain. Then finally a wrap up where I’ll look at a number of various theories from the wild to the sublime.

Caller:

Can you list your credentials?

Lazar:

As far as what?

Caller:

Schooling, degrees.

Lazar:

I have two masters degrees; one’s in physics; one’s in electronics. I wrote my thesis on MHD, which is magnetohydrodynamics.

I worked at Los Alamos for a few years as a technician and then as a physicist in the Polarized Proton Section, dealing with the accelerator there.

I was hired at S-4 as a senior staff physicist to work on gravitational propulsion systems and whatnot associated with those crafts.

Caller:

What school did you go to?

Lazar:

I’d rather not say, the reason being I am currently working with them under contract, and I’m having enough trouble with this as it is.

>From “Alien Contact”, by Timothy Good, in a March 1990 interview:

“Bob told me that he had attended Pierce Junior College, California, then the California Institute of Technology (Cal Tech), and the California State University at Northridge. A period of employment by Fairchild was followed by a return to Cal Tech. He claims to have obtained master’s degrees in physics (his thesis: Magnetohydrodynamics) from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) and in electronics from Cal Tech. To date, no evidence for these degrees has been forthcoming. Although physicist Stanton Friedman has been able to verify that Lazar did indeed attend both Pierce Junior College and California State University, he drew a blank at MIT. ‘There’s no trace of him at MIT and no record of him having attended any course. Maybe he took a lot of courses but didn’t get a degree – that’s a possibility'”.

(Note of correction from TM: In personal correspondence, Stanton Friedman informed me that Good’s statement about Friedman’s verifications was in error. The only school Friedman was able to find evidence of Lazar’s attendance at was Pierce College. Friedman stated to me he drew a blank on Lazar at Cal State Northridge.)

>From the Pre-Sentence Report, dated 7/27/90, for Lazar’s pandering conviction. This was as related by Lazar to the Parole/Probation officer preparing the report:

8-76, high school graduate, Westbury, New York (verified)

1978, Bachelor of Science Degree in Physics and Electronic Technology, Pacifica University (correspondence university).

1982, Masters of Science in Physics, MIT, Cambridge, Massachusetts.

1985, Masters of Science in Electronic Technology, Cal Tech, California.

>From the “Ultimate UFO Seminar” at Rachel, Nevada, May 1, 1993:

Question:

Bob, could you tell us about your education? I’ve heard a lot of conflicting things; I’d like to hear from you.

Lazar:

That varies widely. As far as electronic technology, my degree there is from CalTech and physics is from MIT.

Question:

Did you go to Pierce College?

Lazar:

Yeah, I did. Where did you hear that?

Question:

A friend that said something, somebody I don’t even know. I just thought, it’s something I want to ask, to clear my mind.

Lazar:

Yeah, I went to Pierce and Northridge and then…I’m terrible at dates. I don’t know what date I was at Pierce, probably like in seventy-six or something, I was at Pierce and then seventy-seven or eight I went to Northridge just for a short time for some classes, then I was at CalTech, and MIT after that.

Later…

Question:

What was the year of your graduation from MIT, and did you get a Ph.D.?

Lazar:

No, it was a Masters Degree. The year. What was the year of graduation? Probably 82.

On the “Lark and Craig Morning Show” KOMP 92.3 FM, November 1994

Craig:

Well, you’re a smart guy. Where did you go to school? How many degrees do you have?

Lazar:

Two degrees.

Craig:

In what?

Lazar:

Physics and Electronic Technology.

Craig:

So what is that? A Ph.D.? What is that?

Lazar:

No, they’re Masters degrees.

Craig:

Masters degrees.

Lark:

Wow!

To summarize Lazar’s academic claims on the basis of his public statements he received the following:

A Bachelors Degree in Physics and Electronic Technology from Pacifica University in 1978.

A Masters Degree in Physics from MIT (Thesis: Magnetohydrodynamics) in 1982.

A Masters Degree in either Electronics or Electronic Technology from CalTech in 1985.

Note that there is a reasonable amount of consistency to his story over its various tellings. However, at Lazar’s Rachel talk he said he went to CalTech, then MIT.

Analysis:

There is a lot of data to cover, so for a first pass through, let us just look at where Lazar was at various points in time, and consider the possibilities of his attendance at the various schools he’s claimed.

Lazar graduated from high school in August of 1976 on Long Island, New York. Following that, the Lazar family moved to California, purchasing a home in the San Fernando Valley in June of 1977. It’s reasonable to assume that they had rented something in the area prior to purchasing the house, so that would have put Lazar in the area by late 1976 or early 1977.

Lazar has claimed to have attended Pierce College, a 2 year community college, in 1976. His attendance at this college, although not the precise time period, has been verified by Stanton Friedman. Lazar’s attendance at Pierce is quite likely given that he would have lived fairly close at that point in time.

Also in this general period, Lazar claimed to have attended Cal State Northridge “…just for a short time for some classes..”. This is possible and wouldn’t conflict with his general whereabouts.

The next time we can pin down Lazar’s whereabouts was on July 27, 1980 when he married his first wife Carol. According to the marriage certificate he was living in Canoga Park and he listed his occupation as “Electronics Engineer”. Curiously, he also listed his highest grade of schooling completed as 12. His location is consistent with statements he has made about working for Fairchild Industries, which was located in the San Fernando Valley.

Moving into the future, Lazar again surfaces 2 years later in the famous “Los Alamos Monitor” Jet Car story on June 27, 1982. The paper said the Lazars had moved to Los Alamos “…about a month ago from California.” >From other statements in the article, it’s apparent the Lazars had been in California for some time and that he had just started work at LANL.

Yet this is the year Lazar claimed, on at least two occasions, to have received a Masters degree from MIT. However there is no evidence whatsoever that Lazar was anywhere other than California or Los Alamos during this time. Indeed, there is no evidence in ANY of the numerous public records concerning Lazar that he had ever been in or around Cambridge Massachusetts.

When Lazar filed for bankruptcy in July of 1986, the information he was required to provide gives a snapshot of his whereabouts and activities in the years immediately prior to his filing. Is there anything in this mass of data that could even remotely allow for Lazar to spend a year at CalTech, obtaining his Masters degree, as he has claimed, in 1985?

Well, in it he states that the only places he’s lived in the previous 6 years were 2 addresses in Los Alamos (Note that this is already incorrect since he didn’t arrive in Los Alamos until mid-1982). He also states that his occupation for the previous 6 years was as a photo processor at his residence. Oddly, Los Alamos employment was not mentioned.

It also shows that he was very active in the Los Alamos area in 1985, borrowing heavily, apparently in part to support his photo processing business. For example, the records show that in March, 1985 he borrowed $12,000 to upgrade his business’s film printers. Other purchases in 1985 included a Corvette for $19,000, a number of personal loans, and finally a house in Las Vegas in June of 1985.

If we are to believe “Omni” magazine (and I’ll leave that to the reader’s discretion), in 1985 Lazar was on vacation in Nevada and bought into a legal brothel near Reno.

Again, the records clearly show that in 1985, and the few prior years, Lazar was either at Los Alamos or occasionally Las Vegas. There is not the slightest hint that he may have been working away at a Masters degree in Pasadena at CalTech.

Now that we have an idea of where and when Lazar was, let’s take a more detailed look at what information is available for each school.

W. TRESPER CLARKE HIGH SCHOOL, WESTBURY, LONG ISLAND, NEW YORK:  There doesn’t seem to be any debate that Lazar did indeed attend and graduate from this school. In correspondence with Stanton Friedman, he stated to me, “Re the High School. Bob was graduated in August, not June, 1976, strongly suggesting that he had to take a summer course to get enough credits. He ranked 261 out of 369 (bottom third). He did take Chemistry. I obtained this information myself first hand from the school. They will undoubtedly deny giving the class rank to me since that is privacy act protected…it is a long story.”

PACIFICA UNIVERSITY:  The statement in his Presentencing Report that he received a Bachelors degree from Pacifica, and labeled it a “correspondence university” is rather unique. I have seen a lot of statements made by Lazar concerning his education, but in none of them does he say where he received his undergraduate degree. It’s a subject he seldom mentions.

Unfortunately, Pacifica University has proven difficult to locate. A number of national college directories were consulted, including those listing vocational and correspondence schools. A few of the guides were “The College Blue Book”, “American Universities and Colleges” and “The McMillan Guide to Correspondence Study”. Nowhere was there a Pacifica University listed.

The State of California Department of Education’s Council for Private, Post-Secondary and Vocational Education was contacted. They regulate all vocational and correspondence schools within the state. They informed me that they had no listing for a Pacifica University within California, either now or in the past.

A search of statewide phone records, at least in California, did turn up a Pacifica Liquor Store, but as tempting an explanation as that might be, it probably has no relevancy. Assuming Lazar was enrolled in a correspondence school by the name of Pacifica University in the late 1970s, it would now appear to be out of business. Unless Lazar himself is forthcoming as to just where this establishment was, additional verification efforts are likely useless.

PIERCE COLLEGE:  Lazar’s attendance at this institution has been corroborated, although the extent of his attendance is not known. This was done some time ago by Stanton Friedman.

It was also done a second time by Friedman after Lazar spoke at Rachel, Nevada in May of 1993. When asked to name some of his professors at MIT and CalTech, Lazar responded with the name “Dr. Duxler” at CalTech. According to Glenn Campbell, the only Duxler listed in the 1993 “National Faculty Directory” was a William Duxler, Director of Computing for Pierce College.

According to personal correspondence, Friedman then contacted Duxler at Pierce, who was found to teach physics and math at Pierce. Duxler stated he never taught at Caltech. Further, Duxler checked his old records and told Friedman that Lazar took at least one of his classes in the late 1970s.

CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY AT NORTHRIDGE:  Some people looking into Lazar’s schooling at Cal State Northridge may have picked up a false positive due to an interesting coincidence. There WAS a Robert Lazar who attended Cal State Northridge and graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree in Business in 1978. However a review of the photo in the 1978 CSUN yearbook, the “Sunburst”, clearly shows this is not our beloved Lazar, but rather someone else.

As previously mentioned, Stanton Friedman stated that he checked with CSUN and found no evidence that Lazar had attended there. Timothy Good has apparently misstated that fact in his book “Alien Contact”.

MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY:  Standard inquiries have been made by George Knapp and Stanton Friedman and turned up nothing. Friedman informed me that he took the additional step of checking with the alumni office and at least the 1982 commencement list.

Glenn Campbell visited MIT in 1993 and searched through a number of the printed student records there. The idea behind this particular effort was that while elimination of computer records could be within the realm of possibility, it is essentially inconceivable that some agency would have the capability to change printed records that had widespread distribution.

Lazar, or any obvious misspellings of his name, was not listed in any MIT student directory between 1978 and 1990. Other publications checked included the MIT faculty/staff telephone directories from 1978-1990, the MIT “Degree List” from 1979-1990, and the 1989 “MIT Alumni/ae Register”.

This exhaustive searching, coupled with the June 1982 Los Alamos “Monitor” story that puts Lazar in Los Alamos newly arrived from California, leads to the inevitable conclusion that Lazar did not attend MIT as he claims.

CALIFORNIA INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY: Lazar has claimed, on different occasions, a Masters degree from CalTech in either electronics or electronic technology. Standard inquiries by Friedman and Knapp found no evidence of his attendance.

A recent visit by me with Natalie Gilmore of the CalTech Graduate Studies Department provided some important information. CalTech does not currently have, nor has it ever had any sort of graduate degree in “electronics” or “electronic technology”, or anything near those names. CalTech does offer a degree in Electrical Engineering.

Now if you have a friend or relative with an EE degree, you might, in conversation, refer to them as having a degree in “Electronics”, not realizing the distinction. However, if it is YOUR degree, it is highly unlikely after all the effort it required you would misstate what it was. People with advanced degrees, particularly in the science and engineering fields, are usually quite precise in the “pronunciation” of their degrees.

Assuming Lazar had a bachelors degree from an unaccredited school (The two year schooling period and correspondence status infer this), I asked Ms. Gilmore what the possibilities were for admittance into a Masters program at CalTech. She said it was possible, although extremely slim, due to the intense competition for admittance to CalTech. She also added that the Masters programs there are one year and require full time attendance.

However, Ms. Gilmore provided some additional data that actually support Lazar’s case, and in fairness should be mentioned. It seems that for most Masters programs at CalTech (including EE), a thesis is not required. Lazar has only claimed one thesis, in MHD, at MIT.

Furthermore, I had previously made a fairly exhaustive search through many years worth of the CalTech yearbook, “The Big T”, and was unable to turn up any trace of Lazar. However, Ms. Gilmore informed me that graduate students are usually not included in the publication. So it would seem that my efforts in this area, as reported in the timeline, are inconclusive.

However, the lack of on-campus evidence, coupled with his physical whereabouts still force the conclusion that Lazar never attended CalTech. His statement to the probation officer of a 1985 degree is particularly absurd in view of the activities he himself listed for 1985 in his bankruptcy papers.

After plowing through all this data, it is enough to satisfy me, personally, that Lazar never attended either CalTech or MIT. Of this I am certain of beyond a reasonable doubt.

How then do I explain the mystery of why Lazar clings so tenaciously to his claims of degrees from these institutions? I can’t really. To me it is one of the great mysteries of his story. I find it hard to swallow he would maintain such a story in light of all the means of verification. Of course there are other alternative explanations, but their probability is very small.

Only Lazar has the answer of why.

Possible Explanations:

Lazar has lied, and continues to do so, about his educational background.

In addition to all his other activities, Lazar was able to find time to pursue higher education and actually may possess a degree or degrees, but for unknown reasons wants to keep it secret and uses the CalTech and MIT degrees as a cover, taking the resultant abuse.

The boys at S-4, as part of their efforts to discredit Lazar, in some way implanted the absolute conviction in Lazar’s mind that he possesses the degrees, making him appear a fraud to anyone checking his past.

A note to the readers:

This pretty much concludes the series, although I have 2 more installments planned. One is a list of little nagging questions, while not full fledged flaws, are still uncomfortable loose ends to the story that perhaps Gene can explain. Then finally a wrap up where I’ll look at a number of various theories from the wild to the sublime.

Caller:

Can you list your credentials?

Lazar:

As far as what?

Caller:

Schooling, degrees.

Lazar:

I have two masters degrees; one’s in physics; one’s in electronics. I wrote my thesis on MHD, which is magnetohydrodynamics.

I worked at Los Alamos for a few years as a technician and then as a physicist in the Polarized Proton Section, dealing with the accelerator there.

I was hired at S-4 as a senior staff physicist to work on gravitational propulsion systems and whatnot associated with those crafts.

Caller:

What school did you go to?

Lazar:

I’d rather not say, the reason being I am currently working with them under contract, and I’m having enough trouble with this as it is.

>From “Alien Contact”, by Timothy Good, in a March 1990 interview:

“Bob told me that he had attended Pierce Junior College, California, then the California Institute of Technology (Cal Tech), and the California State University at Northridge. A period of employment by Fairchild was followed by a return to Cal Tech. He claims to have obtained master’s degrees in physics (his thesis: Magnetohydrodynamics) from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) and in electronics from Cal Tech. To date, no evidence for these degrees has been forthcoming. Although physicist Stanton Friedman has been able to verify that Lazar did indeed attend both Pierce Junior College and California State University, he drew a blank at MIT. ‘There’s no trace of him at MIT and no record of him having attended any course. Maybe he took a lot of courses but didn’t get a degree – that’s a possibility'”.

(Note of correction from TM: In personal correspondence, Stanton Friedman informed me that Good’s statement about Friedman’s verifications was in error. The only school Friedman was able to find evidence of Lazar’s attendance at was Pierce College. Friedman stated to me he drew a blank on Lazar at Cal State Northridge.)

>From the Pre-Sentence Report, dated 7/27/90, for Lazar’s pandering conviction. This was as related by Lazar to the Parole/Probation officer preparing the report:

8-76, high school graduate, Westbury, New York (verified)

1978, Bachelor of Science Degree in Physics and Electronic Technology, Pacifica University (correspondence university).

1982, Masters of Science in Physics, MIT, Cambridge, Massachusetts.

1985, Masters of Science in Electronic Technology, Cal Tech, California.

>From the “Ultimate UFO Seminar” at Rachel, Nevada, May 1, 1993:

Question:

Bob, could you tell us about your education? I’ve heard a lot of conflicting things; I’d like to hear from you.

Lazar:

That varies widely. As far as electronic technology, my degree there is from CalTech and physics is from MIT.

Question:

Did you go to Pierce College?

Lazar:

Yeah, I did. Where did you hear that?

Question:

A friend that said something, somebody I don’t even know. I just thought, it’s something I want to ask, to clear my mind.

Lazar:

Yeah, I went to Pierce and Northridge and then…I’m terrible at dates. I don’t know what date I was at Pierce, probably like in seventy-six or something, I was at Pierce and then seventy-seven or eight I went to Northridge just for a short time for some classes, then I was at CalTech, and MIT after that.

Later…

Question:

What was the year of your graduation from MIT, and did you get a Ph.D.?

Lazar:

No, it was a Masters Degree. The year. What was the year of graduation? Probably 82.

On the “Lark and Craig Morning Show” KOMP 92.3 FM, November 1994

Craig:

Well, you’re a smart guy. Where did you go to school? How many degrees do you have?

Lazar:

Two degrees.

Craig:

In what?

Lazar:

Physics and Electronic Technology.

Craig:

So what is that? A Ph.D.? What is that?

Lazar:

No, they’re Masters degrees.

Craig:

Masters degrees.

Lark:

Wow!

To summarize Lazar’s academic claims on the basis of his public statements he received the following:

A Bachelors Degree in Physics and Electronic Technology from Pacifica University in 1978.

A Masters Degree in Physics from MIT (Thesis: Magnetohydrodynamics) in 1982.

A Masters Degree in either Electronics or Electronic Technology from CalTech in 1985.

Note that there is a reasonable amount of consistency to his story over its various tellings. However, at Lazar’s Rachel talk he said he went to CalTech, then MIT.

Analysis:

There is a lot of data to cover, so for a first pass through, let us just look at where Lazar was at various points in time, and consider the possibilities of his attendance at the various schools he’s claimed.

Lazar graduated from high school in August of 1976 on Long Island, New York. Following that, the Lazar family moved to California, purchasing a home in the San Fernando Valley in June of 1977. It’s reasonable to assume that they had rented something in the area prior to purchasing the house, so that would have put Lazar in the area by late 1976 or early 1977.

Lazar has claimed to have attended Pierce College, a 2 year community college, in 1976. His attendance at this college, although not the precise time period, has been verified by Stanton Friedman. Lazar’s attendance at Pierce is quite likely given that he would have lived fairly close at that point in time.

Also in this general period, Lazar claimed to have attended Cal State Northridge “…just for a short time for some classes..”. This is possible and wouldn’t conflict with his general whereabouts.

The next time we can pin down Lazar’s whereabouts was on July 27, 1980 when he married his first wife Carol. According to the marriage certificate he was living in Canoga Park and he listed his occupation as “Electronics Engineer”. Curiously, he also listed his highest grade of schooling completed as 12. His location is consistent with statements he has made about working for Fairchild Industries, which was located in the San Fernando Valley.

Moving into the future, Lazar again surfaces 2 years later in the famous “Los Alamos Monitor” Jet Car story on June 27, 1982. The paper said the Lazars had moved to Los Alamos “…about a month ago from California.” >From other statements in the article, it’s apparent the Lazars had been in California for some time and that he had just started work at LANL.

Yet this is the year Lazar claimed, on at least two occasions, to have received a Masters degree from MIT. However there is no evidence whatsoever that Lazar was anywhere other than California or Los Alamos during this time. Indeed, there is no evidence in ANY of the numerous public records concerning Lazar that he had ever been in or around Cambridge Massachusetts.

When Lazar filed for bankruptcy in July of 1986, the information he was required to provide gives a snapshot of his whereabouts and activities in the years immediately prior to his filing. Is there anything in this mass of data that could even remotely allow for Lazar to spend a year at CalTech, obtaining his Masters degree, as he has claimed, in 1985?

Well, in it he states that the only places he’s lived in the previous 6 years were 2 addresses in Los Alamos (Note that this is already incorrect since he didn’t arrive in Los Alamos until mid-1982). He also states that his occupation for the previous 6 years was as a photo processor at his residence. Oddly, Los Alamos employment was not mentioned.

It also shows that he was very active in the Los Alamos area in 1985, borrowing heavily, apparently in part to support his photo processing business. For example, the records show that in March, 1985 he borrowed $12,000 to upgrade his business’s film printers. Other purchases in 1985 included a Corvette for $19,000, a number of personal loans, and finally a house in Las Vegas in June of 1985.

If we are to believe “Omni” magazine (and I’ll leave that to the reader’s discretion), in 1985 Lazar was on vacation in Nevada and bought into a legal brothel near Reno.

Again, the records clearly show that in 1985, and the few prior years, Lazar was either at Los Alamos or occasionally Las Vegas. There is not the slightest hint that he may have been working away at a Masters degree in Pasadena at CalTech.

Now that we have an idea of where and when Lazar was, let’s take a more detailed look at what information is available for each school.

W. TRESPER CLARKE HIGH SCHOOL, WESTBURY, LONG ISLAND, NEW YORK:  There doesn’t seem to be any debate that Lazar did indeed attend and graduate from this school. In correspondence with Stanton Friedman, he stated to me, “Re the High School. Bob was graduated in August, not June, 1976, strongly suggesting that he had to take a summer course to get enough credits. He ranked 261 out of 369 (bottom third). He did take Chemistry. I obtained this information myself first hand from the school. They will undoubtedly deny giving the class rank to me since that is privacy act protected…it is a long story.”

PACIFICA UNIVERSITY:  The statement in his Presentencing Report that he received a Bachelors degree from Pacifica, and labeled it a “correspondence university” is rather unique. I have seen a lot of statements made by Lazar concerning his education, but in none of them does he say where he received his undergraduate degree. It’s a subject he seldom mentions.

Unfortunately, Pacifica University has proven difficult to locate. A number of national college directories were consulted, including those listing vocational and correspondence schools. A few of the guides were “The College Blue Book”, “American Universities and Colleges” and “The McMillan Guide to Correspondence Study”. Nowhere was there a Pacifica University listed.

The State of California Department of Education’s Council for Private, Post-Secondary and Vocational Education was contacted. They regulate all vocational and correspondence schools within the state. They informed me that they had no listing for a Pacifica University within California, either now or in the past.

A search of statewide phone records, at least in California, did turn up a Pacifica Liquor Store, but as tempting an explanation as that might be, it probably has no relevancy. Assuming Lazar was enrolled in a correspondence school by the name of Pacifica University in the late 1970s, it would now appear to be out of business. Unless Lazar himself is forthcoming as to just where this establishment was, additional verification efforts are likely useless.

PIERCE COLLEGE:  Lazar’s attendance at this institution has been corroborated, although the extent of his attendance is not known. This was done some time ago by Stanton Friedman.

It was also done a second time by Friedman after Lazar spoke at Rachel, Nevada in May of 1993. When asked to name some of his professors at MIT and CalTech, Lazar responded with the name “Dr. Duxler” at CalTech. According to Glenn Campbell, the only Duxler listed in the 1993 “National Faculty Directory” was a William Duxler, Director of Computing for Pierce College.

According to personal correspondence, Friedman then contacted Duxler at Pierce, who was found to teach physics and math at Pierce. Duxler stated he never taught at Caltech. Further, Duxler checked his old records and told Friedman that Lazar took at least one of his classes in the late 1970s.

CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY AT NORTHRIDGE:  Some people looking into Lazar’s schooling at Cal State Northridge may have picked up a false positive due to an interesting coincidence. There WAS a Robert Lazar who attended Cal State Northridge and graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree in Business in 1978. However a review of the photo in the 1978 CSUN yearbook, the “Sunburst”, clearly shows this is not our beloved Lazar, but rather someone else.

As previously mentioned, Stanton Friedman stated that he checked with CSUN and found no evidence that Lazar had attended there. Timothy Good has apparently misstated that fact in his book “Alien Contact”.

MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY:  Standard inquiries have been made by George Knapp and Stanton Friedman and turned up nothing. Friedman informed me that he took the additional step of checking with the alumni office and at least the 1982 commencement list.

Glenn Campbell visited MIT in 1993 and searched through a number of the printed student records there. The idea behind this particular effort was that while elimination of computer records could be within the realm of possibility, it is essentially inconceivable that some agency would have the capability to change printed records that had widespread distribution.

Lazar, or any obvious misspellings of his name, was not listed in any MIT student directory between 1978 and 1990. Other publications checked included the MIT faculty/staff telephone directories from 1978-1990, the MIT “Degree List” from 1979-1990, and the 1989 “MIT Alumni/ae Register”.

This exhaustive searching, coupled with the June 1982 Los Alamos “Monitor” story that puts Lazar in Los Alamos newly arrived from California, leads to the inevitable conclusion that Lazar did not attend MIT as he claims.

CALIFORNIA INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY: Lazar has claimed, on different occasions, a Masters degree from CalTech in either electronics or electronic technology. Standard inquiries by Friedman and Knapp found no evidence of his attendance.

A recent visit by me with Natalie Gilmore of the CalTech Graduate Studies Department provided some important information. CalTech does not currently have, nor has it ever had any sort of graduate degree in “electronics” or “electronic technology”, or anything near those names. CalTech does offer a degree in Electrical Engineering.

Now if you have a friend or relative with an EE degree, you might, in conversation, refer to them as having a degree in “Electronics”, not realizing the distinction. However, if it is YOUR degree, it is highly unlikely after all the effort it required you would misstate what it was. People with advanced degrees, particularly in the science and engineering fields, are usually quite precise in the “pronunciation” of their degrees.

Assuming Lazar had a bachelors degree from an unaccredited school (The two year schooling period and correspondence status infer this), I asked Ms. Gilmore what the possibilities were for admittance into a Masters program at CalTech. She said it was possible, although extremely slim, due to the intense competition for admittance to CalTech. She also added that the Masters programs there are one year and require full time attendance.

However, Ms. Gilmore provided some additional data that actually support Lazar’s case, and in fairness should be mentioned. It seems that for most Masters programs at CalTech (including EE), a thesis is not required. Lazar has only claimed one thesis, in MHD, at MIT.

Furthermore, I had previously made a fairly exhaustive search through many years worth of the CalTech yearbook, “The Big T”, and was unable to turn up any trace of Lazar. However, Ms. Gilmore informed me that graduate students are usually not included in the publication. So it would seem that my efforts in this area, as reported in the timeline, are inconclusive.

However, the lack of on-campus evidence, coupled with his physical whereabouts still force the conclusion that Lazar never attended CalTech. His statement to the probation officer of a 1985 degree is particularly absurd in view of the activities he himself listed for 1985 in his bankruptcy papers.

After plowing through all this data, it is enough to satisfy me, personally, that Lazar never attended either CalTech or MIT. Of this I am certain of beyond a reasonable doubt.

How then do I explain the mystery of why Lazar clings so tenaciously to his claims of degrees from these institutions? I can’t really. To me it is one of the great mysteries of his story. I find it hard to swallow he would maintain such a story in light of all the means of verification. Of course there are other alternative explanations, but their probability is very small.

Only Lazar has the answer of why.

Possible Explanations:

Lazar has lied, and continues to do so, about his educational background.

In addition to all his other activities, Lazar was able to find time to pursue higher education and actually may possess a degree or degrees, but for unknown reasons wants to keep it secret and uses the CalTech and MIT degrees as a cover, taking the resultant abuse.

The boys at S-4, as part of their efforts to discredit Lazar, in some way implanted the absolute conviction in Lazar’s mind that he possesses the degrees, making him appear a fraud to anyone checking his past.

A note to the readers:

This pretty much concludes the series, although I have 2 more installments planned. One is a list of little nagging questions, while not full fledged flaws, are still uncomfortable loose ends to the story that perhaps Gene can explain. Then finally a wrap up where I’ll look at a number of various theories from the wild to the sublime.

[shalegas34]

just handed in my research poster which means everything for sem 1 honours is FINISHED. now i can breathe for the first time since early March I have a) started pumping life into NSAR (which didn’t look like it was going to happen this year), b) collected photos to update the o-week board, c) begun catching up on like 10 issues of the tce I didn’t even look at lmao. some interesting things:

1. development of single-stage heavy water production using graphene which is 100x less energy intensive (shit u don’t even think of you know, like everyone’s harping on about uranium in the nuclear industry but nobody thinks of the heavy water)

2. lithium ion battery recycling - should repurpose batteries to power houses before throwing them out as they still have 70% “state of health” left by the time they won’t work in a car anymore. batteries can be tested for potential/impedance/runaway to determine what applications they’re suited to next

3. (almost) front page article about SA’s energy plan lol. it is june so some announcement about solar thermal should be coming out soon...theres some old news about the federal government setting aside funds for solar but that’s only to help get private investment started. also a well-timed feature on solar thermal research - “it’s much easier to store heat in an insulated tank than it is to store electricity in batteries”

4. researchers in the US managed to create a ransomware that can take over a (simulated) water treatment plant, which is kinda cool as fuck... they were able to command control valves through the PLCs and threaten to dump large amounts of chlorine into the water system

5. April’s theme was CCS but I’m still a firm non-believer. it’s not even the cost factor (if it was expensive but would really help the environment I would probably be for it): it’s the fact it’s so energy-intensive, will increase the amount of coal a power station has to burn just to facilitate the capture, then the transport and processing of the CO2 requires yet more energy. and then how about emissions from transport, which aren’t going to get touched? It’s like spending a lot of effort to piece a broken window back together, when we could just stop smashing the windows in the first place lmao. i.e. cut our energy consumption through smart technology, policy and education. I’ve held this opinion for ages now. I think we need to cut consumption at the source to have an effect rather than trying to deal with the consequences After the fuel has been burned. someone can try to convince me another day when im not trying to speed through 10 issues lol

6. Marselisborg wastewater treatment plant in Denmark which uses the energy generated from waste to power the city’s entire water treatment network. It also has a control system which meters air supply based on ammonia concentrations and not dissolved oxygen, this saves 700k kWh/year - now that, in comparison, is some good shit (literally). can we please focus on improving efficiency instead of trying to clean up the mess after we’ve done our process in an unnecessarily energy-intensive way (honestly that’s literally all I think CCS is). can you tell i love control

7. treatment of end-of-service refrigerants by injecting them into cement kilns, where they break down into acidic gases and are neutralised by the basic lime (this is so fucking cool, I think I posted about it before but idgaf). The resulting harmless solids are then just incorporated into the cement. High temperatures needed to break down refrigerants are already present in the kilns, and almost complete (99.999%) destruction is achievable. i love this so much

[rokurookajima]

some thoughts at the end of this fucking weird school year

junior year is always the hardest year. why is that a thing. i know this is only the second one i’ve ever been through, but it was my hardest year in high school too. idk if my classes this year were actually that much harder, but life was hard. life was the most stressful junior year in high school too. is it something to do with the fact that it’s so close to the end, but it’s not the end??? like all the fear of the unknown post-school future is there, but it’s too far away to do anything about or rlly have any sense of what it’ll be like when you do actually finish??

you can actually make really good friends in college. in retrospect, like with most things, i don’t know why i thought i’d never make friends in college. from pretty much first grade through the end of high school, i had the same group of friends, and i’m still friends with them now. before i made friends in college, that made me think that i just like...wouldn’t know how to talk to anyone else?? bc i’d become friends with all of them long ago. last spring i started getting close to some of the people that i’d now say are by far some of the closest and most important people to me. i have like. really good friends. and they put up with a lot of shit from me. 

this school year feels like it went way too fast and its mostly because october-december feel like lost time to me. i was so depressed in the fall, over self-medicated by staying high through pretty much all of october, and then being so deeply suicidal in november and december that now i’ve repressed half those memories or just try really hard to never think about it. january wasn’t that good but it was also not hard at all to be better than the month before. february started weird and sad and hard, but halfway through started feeling different. like still kinda sad and weird, but like there was a tangible tone shift on this one specific day that made the rest of the month feel different. coming back from spring break always feels different, and it’s usually better than the half of the semester before spring break. it was. march was the first month in a long time that i’d actually refer to as “good”. then april hit and i got really stressed and now the semester is over and i still don’t feel like i can stop being stressed yet. 

art is hard. i’ve never felt that confident in anything i produce, but i don’t think it’s ever hit me as hard than it did this last month, coming up on all my final art projects. i haven’t had a genuine good idea, or rlly. an idea. in a really long time. in my experience at least, those phases of depression that are as bad as last fall, i forget everything i like. when i feel less depressed, i don't remember it still. i can think about things that i know i liked before, or at some point, but the thoughts don’t do anything for me. i don’t feel anything towards those things. i guess i liked that thing. i don’t know now. inspiration doesn’t come out of that, motivation doesn’t come out of no inspiration, and you can’t make anything without either of those things. i get tired of making all my work about my own issues, but it’s been all i have to pull from for so long i hope it’s not always like that

being single is generally like. always shitty. but it’s way shittier when you really really don’t want to be single. but there’s also kind of no way to shut that off. i think i’m just an inherently lonely person. i don’t know why i can’t just turn that off and feel fulfilled enough with the relationships i have, which makes me feel so bad because i do have such good friends and i love them and i appreciate them

i have an overly inflamed sense of being unwanted. which is also stupid because again. friends, good friends, who i do believe want to be my friends. but my ex boyfriend treated me like i was so deeply unwanted at the end of our relationship, like i didn’t matter, and having me around or not made no impact on him at all. i can’t shake feeling like that’s how it’ll always be. i can’t imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone that actually wants to spend as much time with me as i want to spend with them. somebody that makes an effort to see me. like that can’t be real. i don’t think anyone can handle me on that level for long. my relationship really lasted such a short amount of time before he got sick of me. what does that say about me. i don’t think that person exists. this is melodramatic i fuckin know. feeling fundamentally unwanted is probably one of the worst feelings to ever be stuck with. but wow i don’t really think it’s ever gonna go away. 

i don’t know how i’ll ever get to a point where i don’t hate myself. nobody has ever fucked me over as much as i’ve fucked myself over, and i’ve never fucked anyone else over as much as i’ve fucked myself. the worst time to ever try to convince me that i shouldn’t hate myself is when i still blame myself for everything that’s ever gone wrong in my life, bc at the bottom of it, i am the root cause of all of it. feeling constantly unwanted makes me hate myself. the fact that i feel that way makes me hate myself. the fact that i hate myself makes me hate myself. i know no one can be in a relationship with someone that hates themselves. that makes me hate myself more. 

i’m convinced there’s no reason to make any effort to love myself because i don’t think it will change any circumstances of my life. loving myself won’t change any outside forces. it won’t make someone show up in my life. it won’t change the fact that i’m lonely because i’d still be alone. i’m sure this is stupid and completely wrong, but y’know The Depression is my logic and it makes perfect sense to me

i think i’m a worse person than i was this time last year. i don’t like the way i treat my parents, i hold them at arms length and get too irritated with them too fast when they’re not even doing anything and associate too much of my own issues with them to the point that it completely affects how i react to them. i don’t like how i think about things. i don’t like how bitter i am, i don’t like how lonely and desperate for affection i am. i hate that i completely believe the best part of my life already happened, and now the lesson i learned from it is more or less that i fucked things up, but i won’t have another opportunity for happiness to apply the lessons i might have learned. i’ll probably sabotage any potential chances i ever get anyway, because that’s what i do. i hate that i don’t think i deserve anything, but people telling me that i do isn’t comforting because deserving something doesn’t mean theres any obligation for the universe to make it happen

this got really depressing

i live completely ruled by fear. i’m so afraid of all the good things that might not happen and all the bad things that probably will. i’m terrified of finishing college because i don’t have any ideas about what i’ll do after. i always feel like i’m running out of time or wasting it. i’m scared to face this summer because right now it looks like four months of being alone the majority of the time and endlessly harassing people to spend time with me and being turned down. i hate my job and the summers are always kind of sad and weird because all i have as a consistent time filler is work. my job is isolating and makes me go to my home city which makes me depressed, and i do such mindless work it pretty much just gives me a solid time span to just think about how sad i am

my parents have me so convinced i’ll never get hired anywhere else, i don’t even try to find a second job. i don’t have the stomach for rejection because no matter what it is, i take all of it personally. 

i desperately want to be happy but it’s an unattainable concept 

i need to stop relying on the opinions and perceptions other people have of me to determine how i feel about myself, but if i exclusively look at myself without any outside factors, i do not like myself at all. believing i might be worth something because someone else treats me like i am is the closest i’ll ever get to self worth. 

people always ask me if i tell my therapist these things, and i really don’t know what they think i talk to my therapist about if they think i’m not telling her all of this. i’m still in therapy once a week, but i wish it was more. i wish i was there for two hours instead of one, or two days in a row instead of just one. 

i’m at a coffee shop right now and this boy i had sex with once just walked in and he said we could talk here if we ran into each other and i don’t know what to do about that so i’m pretending like i didn’t see him and i’m still just typing like i have a purpose in what i’m saying. i don’t really i just don’t know what to do. i’m very lame. i think i’m 12. 

literally if u read to the bottom of this in the next 5 minutes pls tell me what to do he didn’t notice me and i don’t know how to approach